[At first there's only audio, the device's mic sounding as though it's being rubbed up against fabric. There are footfalls in the background, though, small ones belonging to what must be a roughly human-sized being. Then there's all the clanging and rattling, mixed in with hissing and the metallic *SNAP* of a pair of mandibles...]
[Yes, someone's just managed to buttdial the Link.
Good job there, Sparky. Next time put your device in your jacket pocket and not your pants pocket.]
Trapped on alien world, our hero finds that life is not so different from what he's used to on his native planet Earth! Faced with the possibility of being torn apart by a malicious metallic monster, he knows he has little choice but to fight for his very existence!
[There's a loud *CLANG* followed by more hissing, then what sounds like two metal surfaces being run repeatedly into one another. Something heavy slams into the ground nearby and the scraping of several sharp limbs can be heard.]
Undaunted by the hero's impressive fist slinging ability, the creature attempts to strike and strike again, only to be foiled by the superior quickness of his handsome opponent! Fortunately, fists of fury are not the only trick this brawler has up his sleeves... When you've got a monster with a face only a chainsaw can love, it's time to step up and show some affection--
[*CLANG!* Suddenly, there's a buzz saw running in the background. It's then the device falls from its owner's pocket and to the ground, face up and at just enough of an angle that the head of a fifteen foot long centipede-like monster is rushing forward to strike. It's met by a copper colored whirling blade that swings in and begins to grind against its open maw, sending sparks flying.]
--with a big, freakin' sa--HEY!
[One of the mandibles is severed, flying off to the right, but only a moment before the saw blade shatters and sends metal bits raining to the ground. The monster recoils, shaking its head angrily, fluid oozing from the fresh wound.]
¡Qué gacho! Fine, then! Chew on this!
[The broken saw vanishes and is replaced suddenly with a gun metal gray whip, the twenty foot long tendril lashing toward the beast as it attacks again, the end of it shooting into the open mouth. Five feet worth of whip lodge deep in the intake of the centipede before a power surge flows through it and lights up its entire length as though it's been struck by lightning. The monster writhes and crashes to the ground, smoke rising from it as the now tattered tendril withdraws and disappears behind the device. The view finally clear, it looks like the battle was taking place in an access tunnel somewhere...namely the ones beneath Solus Prime's temple.]
[A gloved hand seizes the Link communicator, a brief flash of orange and red fabric visible as the device is stuffed into a pocket again. Then more footfalls - quick, now - as the guy on the other end takes off running. The jolting motion finally forces the device to click off.]