re_alignment | [video]

[SUPER SERIOUS MCCOY HERE]

I'm not going to state the obvious, and how ridiculous this entire mess is. I'm not going to make this too long either. But now that many of you robots are human, or... dogs of some sort, you may have yourselves a few or a galaxy-load's worth of questions.

I am here to answer those questions, to the best of my abilities, as well as provide you with a document of basic human common sense.

I'm sure many of you Cybertronians are used to rock 'em and sock 'em sort of business, but unfortunately, as a human, your skin is not metal and your bones are not made from steel. If you are struck hard enough, you will not only be in pain, but you may break your skin, bruise it, or something more serious. You cannot consume oil or energon or gasoline, and you will find your body doing things that are either confusing or downright horrifying by your standards. But instead of freaking out and doing something stupid, read over this document or ask me how I can help.

I'm a doctor, and part of my job is to educate people and my patients with basic and important health information, especially when you people can't tell the difference between phalanges and phlegm.

That and while I'm more than happy to use my talents God graced me with, I'd rather not see so many of you coming in from an easily avoidable accident. Like, say, sticking your fingers in an electrical socket as if this could recharge you.

It will not.

[Then, if you so wish, he uploads the document. It's titled "sonowyouarehuman101" and while it is very clear, concise, and easy to follow, there is a nice layer of smarm for you to enjoy as well.]

As for you dogs or the rest of you who have been altered to an animal form, you're on your own. God speed, Fidos and Mews of this world.

[Locked to Solus]

So, care sharing with the rest of the class what might be going on here? Do you guys got any ideas? I haven't heard much. Of anythin'. I don't know if that's good or bad. But I can understand why, if this is something serious, you'd rather have complete confirmation and understanding over the matter before unleashing information unto the public. Mass hysteria, maybe.

Still. If there's a way I can help, let me know. Your people are turning into my people. Maybe I won't be so useless.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The file I uploaded should give you a general idea.

... And, no. Cake is all well and good, as are sweets, but they should be taken in moderation. What you should eat is a lot of vegetables, fruits, and meat - fish, chicken, beef. You'll need the vitamins, the protein, the-- [shakes head] Not like half of that stuff is available here anyway.

Drink lots of water. Lots and lots of water. You wanna keep yourself hydrated. That's very important.

Stay warm, don't expose yourself to toxins, don't consume energon, oil, gasoline - like I said. The file will tell you everything you need to know.

But above all, if you're thinking of doing somethin' you normally would do as a robot, step back and reconsider. Because you might be doing something incredibly stupid.

If half of it isn't available, is there a reason you're telling me to find it? That seems like a wasted effort.

... Water. I can do that.

You find what you can because you'll need it. I just recommend you avoid anything that would put you in diabetic shock after eating it for three days straight or whatever.

You got any food on you right now?

What is... "diabetic shock"?

I don't think so, no.

Basically, it's somethin' you want to avoid. I want to avoid. An' if I were to go into detail, you'd probably fall asleep.

Okay, well, first thing's first: make sure you're completely clothed then go find yourself some food and water. Stock up. Stock up a lot. If ya need any help findin' food [give him a minute - ah, there, a ping of all the locations where food and water can be found 'round these parts] - this should help.

... Why would I sleep?

And... how do I know what I can eat? Or what I can't? I've never really seen food before now.

Don't you robots recharge? Or go offline or whatever? I'll put it like this: imagine you've got a fuel tank of gas or oil. And you're running, okay. You keep running and then you hit empty but you keep running. Running on dry's not good, correct? Correct, because soon you'll break down into ugly, heaping, smoking mess. That's why you need to sleep. And trust me, it won't be hard when exhaustion kicks in.

I guess I could write you up a basic food chart. Give me a moment. [~elevator music~] Right. Here. [ping!] But Kay's your friend, right? She's human; she'll help you out. But just in case, see me if you have any questions.

And basically don't eat the same stuff you ate as a robot.

No, I know that human beings need to sleep. But why would I sleep if you were explaining things?

Yes. Kay is my friend... she's helped so far. [He falls quiet, in order to skim over the list.] And you can find all of this here? On this world?

I know that. Only robots use gasoline. Or... fuel.

[The one small advantage of being a human-made AI. Even he knows a little about humans and their habits.]

I doubt you'd find everything. [shrugs] But looking around wouldn't hurt. As long as you're careful. You cut yourself on some sharp and pointy and rusty, as a human, that can be a great cause of concern. You can't just weld that thing closed.

I'd recommend going in groups. Help each other out. But if you're still havin' a hard time comin' up with food, I've got some stocked up I can share.