Video~!

[0perator]

[Why hello yes that is an Alia wearing a face-eating pair of heart-shaped shutter shades and a very glittery pink feather boa. She grins into the video feed.]

Greetings, Haven!

[The feed pans out to take in Knock Out as well, red paintjob shinning red even more than usual for the occasion. He has some v-cards on his hand and a mischievous grin on his face. Alia waves.]

Valentine's Day is coming up, and for all the people who will be missing the festivities this year, Knock Out and I have scienced [shut up that is a verb now] a perfect solution for all your romance needs! We have perfected a one hundred and twenty percent accurate matchmaking algorithm, perfect for bringing some interest and excitement into your love life!

Now, if you're not up on your Earth cultural traditions, don't sweat! We have you covered!

[Knock Out nods and then chimes in.] Now, what’s that entire Valentine’s nonsense about, you might wonder? Valentine’s a human mating festivity that mixes different courting techniques. One of the most common ones is the exchange of little notes with romantics statements.

[Knock Out clears his throat and starts to read some of the cards. To help everybody to get into the spirit of valentine day, Alia and Knock Out left one v-card in front of everyone's room door. In fact, just to get into the real spirit of the holiday, all the v-cards conveniently sport the forged signatures of random people around Haven the best match according to that very scientific matchmaking algorithm. Feel free to find yours and thank them.]

Enjoy all that love in the air! 'Cause if you can't get laid on Valentine's Day, the other three hundred and sixty four days aren't looking too good either.

Comments

video

[invisiblepinkboat]

[This doesn't mean much to her, but she can tell they're joking, and, well, while practical jokes like this aren't something she'd do, she's pretty sure it might end up being amusing.]

One hundred and twenty percent, huh? [She's grinning. That's not how percents work, guys.]

Perhaps you should have aimed for one hundred and fifty. [Because she's not sure the examples Knock Out read would fit anyone here.]

[Video]

[0perator]

We didn't want to make any claims that sounded too outrageous to those not familiar with sciencing.

[Video]

[invisiblepinkboat]

Hmm, I don't know. If you've exceeded a hundred percent, why not go for wipeout? [Chuckling, Elita shakes her helm.]

Did you include yourselves in this absolutely not random spree?

[0perator]

But of course~! I, for example, apparently have alcohol as my soulmate. Who would have known!

[invisiblepinkboat]

I'm sure it's an absolutely perfect match, too.

[She's barely keeping her expression straight, and there's still a slight quirk to the upper ridge of one optic.]

I hope you two will have a fantastic day.

[How's she supposed not to laugh?]

[0perator]

[Alia is totally laughing now. Because that's the point~!]

Oh yes, long night ahead in front of the space heater for me and alcohol tonight~!

[invisiblepinkboat]

Just don't get too attached, I've heard that type of character tends to disappear quickly if you dive too deep too quickly.

[She winks, a flickering dimming and then brightening of one optic that really needs no translation to be understood, laughter at the back of her vocaliser.]

[0perator]

Oh yeah.. rush into things and the breakup is hell.

[invisiblepinkboat]

End up feeling terrible for much longer than the fling was worth.

[0perator]

Booze is lucky it's so easy to get back together.

[invisiblepinkboat]

Forgiving its fault and forgetting about the last breakup is easy when there's more where the last came from... and then you end up in the same position again.

[What is she even doing? Besides that it's very, very amusing and hard to keep a straight face.]

[0perator]

[It's nice knowing there are Cybertronians with actual senses of humor, yes. Very relieving.]

Oh well, guess I'm doomed to being a trainwreck.

[invisiblepinkboat]

Just make sure it's not amusing enough for others to come looking; no one needs that kind of attention when one's down and sensitive about a terrible breakup.

[deadlydoctor]

[Ah, Elita. Finally a mech with sense of humor.]

We didn't want to go too far and ruin the mystery.

[invisiblepinkboat]

[She might be too practical to do something like this herself, but that doesn't mean she can't appreciate it.]

Hmm, I suppose that's true enough. You should at least be commended for the effort if nothing else. [She can't help but crack a grin at that.]

[deadlydoctor]

[And this is why Knock Out thinks Elita is a cool lady.]

Can you believe that hardly everyone here appreciates our efforts? It hurts my spark.

[invisiblepinkboat]

Mmmm, while I don't know the tradition, it's amusing enough the way you've done it. On the other hand, the fact that most of us don't know and the tense situation might lead most to be somewhat averse.

[She shrugs, smiling a little.]

I think this is something that'll look funnier to most in retrospect.

[deadlydoctor]

It's exactly how it's done on earth. They also sent flowers but we don't have those here. Never be afraid of trying new things, my friends. That's the key to live an exciting life.

I hope so.

[invisiblepinkboat]

What, sending little messages randomly--- [She pauses, chuckling.] Excuse me, with a complex algorithm for match-making?

There's crystals, though. Can look pretty as they are or be carved to look like you want them to. [That's far more thought around such a silly thing than it's probably worth.]

[deadlydoctor]

No, they just send the cards to those they like. But that's because they aren't smart enough to figure out the perfect match-making algorithm. They try someone different each year and then see if it works. As you can see, it's a system that can only lead to fail. Unlike ours, that is almost perfect. [Knock Out's trying really hard to keep a straight face.]

We can do that without breaking them? [Oh but playing along is fun, don't stop now.]

[invisiblepinkboat]

If you know what you're doing, sure. They won't break unless you hit a weak spot or fracture line. [It's not that she knows a huge amount about crystals, but since she's been taking "cuttings" from the forest to spread elsewhere, she's learned what pieces are the easiest to break off, and why.]

A new person every year? [She's torn between amusement, knowing Knock Out must be exaggerating, and incredulity in the case he's being serious.] But I suppose the lack of a perfect algorithm would indeed make things rather difficult, yes.

[deadlydoctor]

Interesting. Perhaps you could show me how to do it. [You would like to spend more quality time with Knock Out, right Elita?]

Some more often than that. Like, every month. Or week. Feisty little things, those organics. [He's not exaggerating all that much, though.] We are working on it, working on it...

[invisiblepinkboat]

If you want to, certainly. [With a shrug, Elita grins.]

Well, I suppose variety and change has things going for it, but would one really have the time to learn to know someone in such a short time?

[deadlydoctor]

I like to learn new things. [He's really all for it.]

I don't think they care all that much for each others personality. We could ask some of the organics here.

[invisiblepinkboat]

Why wouldn't they? I think that would be essential for relationships, short- or long-term, wouldn't you say? Regardless of species of the people involved.