Number III: A Public Service Announcement

[nobody_number_8]

[The transmission opens with a full body shot of Axel. It seems he has the communicator propped up on something in order to allow a wider view, and from the looks of the background, he's somewhere around the Junkpile.]

Hey there, robots of Haven. Autobots, Decepticons and.... miscellaneous others. Thank you all for tuning in today for this very special public service announcement.

What is it about, you might ask? Well, to be perfectly honest, it's about your attitudes. Specifically, your attitudes towards humans, humanoids, and other organics like myself.

Now I know what some of you are probably thinking. 'What's that pointy-haired weirdo talking about? I like organics just fine. Why, some of my best friends are organics!' And believe me, we all appreciate the friendliness and general lack of deliberate attempts to stomp us.

However, it's not the liking part that's the issue here. What the issue is is the simple fact that you all seem to think being 20-feet tall and made of metal automatically means that you're superior. Especially when it comes to the ability to defend yourself. And I don't just mean certain unpleasant individuals who'd try to squish us for fun. I mean all of you, or at least most of you.

You might try to be nice about it, and you're probably genuinely trying to protect them, but when one of your organic friends wants to help out in a fight? Your general attitude always tends to come off as 'Look, it's cute that you think you can help, but just sit over here while the grown-ups handle things, OK?' And when your friends actually can fight? It's as condescending as hell.

Case in point, my friend Sora. Recently, Knockout locked him in his medbay with him in an attempt to protect him. Which would be great... if Sora needed it. But he doesn't. Lemme tell you a little bit about Sora.

This kid spends most of his time back home traveling from world to world fighting monsters made of pure Darkness called Heartless. I once saw him take out 1000 of them in the space of about ten minutes using nothing but his Keyblade and his wits. Aside from Heartless, he's also fought and beaten- among other things- pirates, the Boogie Man, a sea witch imbued with all the power of the ocean and grown to the size of a skyscraper, and a sorceress who turned into a giant, fire-breathing dragon. Not to mention, he's saved the world at least twice.

I could go on, but the bottom line is that he can damn well take care of himself, even against things like you. He doesn't need to be protected or coddled. In fact, he should probably be protecting some of you.

And just in case you think Sora is an isolated case...

[Axel steps a bit to one side, revealing a chunk of Cybertronian-looking scrap-metal about the size of a fridge.]

Here's a nice chunk of Cybertronian metal. And here's what a guy like me can do to it if I'm so inclined.

[Axel points a palm at the chunk of metal and tosses off a Firaga at it. The large fireball strikes and envelops the chunk of scrap, which quickly becomes red hot and begins to melt. When the fire dissipates a few moments later, the chunk of metal is badly scorched and melted enough to be mostly unrecognizable compared to its previous state.

Axel turns calmly back to the camera.]

So for future reference? Don't automatically assume that just because we're small and squishy that we're helpless. It'll save your organic friends a lot of frustration and it'll save you from looking like an ass.

Any questions?

Comments

[deadlydoctor]

And I have a drill and welders and a lot of more pointy surgery tools. When your patient's skin is made of metal you can't be a doctor without those.

[heartdive]

Still thinking that a chainsaw might be a little much...

[deadlydoctor]

What I am supposed to use if not a chainsaw?

[heartdive]

Laser?

oops sorry

[deadlydoctor]

Do I look like a robot from a 80' tv show, Kid?

Laser, pfff....

[heartdive]

Do you want me to answer that honestly?

[deadlydoctor]

[How dare you.] I am suddenly not sure...

[heartdive]

Robots that transform into vehicles? Kinda does sound like something they'd put on TV don't you think?

[deadlydoctor]

That sounds like a really absurd premise for a tv show, who would watch that? You need more than just robots transforming. You need something like, I don't know...dinosaurs.

[heartdive]

Dinosaurs. You can't put dinosaurs and robots together... That's like some serious time shenanigans at work.

[deadlydoctor]

Why not? There must be a way. [Shockwave added Predacons to their daily shenanigans, it's practically the same thing.]

Now you are going to tell me I can't add giant animals to that imaginary tv show we are making up, like a purple griffon.

[heartdive]

Riiiiiight. That's just getting silly.

[deadlydoctor]

I agree.

I think I will go do some work to do and try to ignore the fact that you managed to sneak your girlfriend into the clinic. [He has cameras installed for a reason, Kid.]

[heartdive]

GIRLFRIEND!?

[deadlydoctor]

Kay.

[heartdive]

I JUST MET HER!

A-and th-there's sort of a girl back home...

[deadlydoctor]

Love at first sight, how adorable. [Knock Out's having a blast with this, in case you can't tell Sora.]

Two at once? My, my, you are such a player, Kid.

[heartdive]

K-Knock Out!

[ don't torment him you meanie! ]

[deadlydoctor]

[He can't keep a straight face anymore so he burst out laughing for some good 15 seconds.]

That's why you get for lying to me about your Key. [Who could have guessed that it coudl open doors????] Now we are even.

[heartdive]

I didn't lie about anything...

[deadlydoctor]

You conveniently forgot to tell me that you could leave if you wanted?






But thanks for not doing so. [It makes him feel like you even listens to him. A little.]

I AM SORRY FOR INBOX SPAM

[heartdive]

[ yeah sorry, man. Sora isn't going to respond over here.

just... give him a moment to hunt Knock Out down. HUGGING ON YOUR LEG, medic dude. ]

Didn't really think it was important to bring up, even if I was being a little bratty.

And I couldn't just ignore what you were telling me either. What kind of friend does that?

NEVER SORRY ♥

[deadlydoctor]

[AGHSKJASKJA WHAT ARE YOU DOING. No, really, what is that thing you are doing with his leg. Oh wait, ok he saw this in movies.. It feels...not bad.]

Yeah er...it's okay. [He pats Soras' head, really carefully.] Friend, uh?

[What does one say to that?]

[heartdive]

[ HE IS GIVING YOU THE LOVE AND AFFECTION THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD SO THAT YOU DIDN'T BECOME A NASTY, NASTY DECEPTICON IN THE FIRST PLACE, OBVIOUSLY.

SO TAKE IT. ENJOY IT. BASK IN IT. THERE WILL BE MORE TO COME.

anyway. Sora snorts, taking a step or two back and puts his hands on his hips. ]

Obviously. Do you really think I could work with someone that's not my friend?

[ well yes, he could. but that's not the point. ]

[deadlydoctor]

[LOVE AND FFECTION...are you sure that's not contagious? Knock Out has better role models now, it's helping.

You are too nice for your own good, Sora. This is why he doesn't want you out fighting sociopaths.]

I guess not. [Knock Out doesn't know that so he's smiling.] You sure are something else, Sora.