re_alignment | Audio: Private to Kagerou

We -- I have to talk to you...

[But it's hard to get the words out. Hard to think past the rising hope, hope that if Shadowmaru knew, he wanted it too, the desire for this closeness, for this other life. It's all he can do not to reach out and pull Shadowmaru closer still.]

[Talking. They need to talk. It's important.]

[And then the other ninja's lips press to his and the world turns over on its side. He feels himself responding, even as he tries to speak again, to question this. But his AI overrules it, his frame heating rapidly as his hands move of their own accord, touching the other's chestplate desperately. His wings lift, starting to spread. And his mouth...]

[His mouth presses back into that kiss with sudden, grateful, hopeful urgency. There's nothing spectacular or skilled about it. It's a first kiss. And every emotion in it is utterly genuine.]

[He wanted this. So much. For so long...]

[Shadowmaru's pink optics glow brighter, feeling the other kiss back. He almost smiles against his lips and it softly disappears as he deepens the kiss. His arms gently wrap around the other's neck, pulling himself closer.

If he weren't under the influence of this energon, things would have been different. He would have listened. He would have been considerate towards Kagerou's feelings.

But for now, the kiss deepens, his eyes shuttering closed.]

[If he could, he'd have cried. Just right here. Pressed against him, held by him and ... all of this. The sheer amount of emotion in his head is enough to smother the need to talk. He just wants to feel this. For a little longer.]

[His head tilts, leaning more into the kiss, too, his arms around the other ninja's waist.]

[He doesn't notice as his wings lift more, brushing against the shelf behind him. One pane nears the spot the glowing red object sits...]

[He holds the kiss for a few more moments before he pulls back to gently rest his forehelm against the other ninja's.

He smiles, almost giddy as his hands travel up the back side of Kagerou's head, cradling it.]

Kagerou... [He peers up into those mismatched optics with his own pink ones, the smile on his face threatening to break his faceplate with how wide it was.

Shadowmaru feels a soft hum vibrate in his chest, engine purring softly as he peers up at his wing and that red energon.]

...Are you alright?

[He's all but shivering, pressed close and desperate, his hands all but clinging to Shadowmaru's waist. When the other ninja pulls back, there's a soft sound of complaint, an involuntary protest, though he doesn't do anything to fight it.]

[He keeps his optics offline. Almost as if he's afraid to look at the other.]

I... Why? Why did you...?

[Why is this happening? Not that he particularly minds it. He loved it. But... there has to be a reason. He has to know.]

[Even if that purr is distracting, if every touch is distracting.]

[His wings flick. That single pane brushing against the red glow...]

[Shadowmaru cranes his head to the side as he looks up at him. All focus on the other BP unit.]

Did you not want this, Kagerou? [He kisses his nose fondly.]

You seemed to like it. I know I certainly did.

It --

[The words just start tumbling out. It's like he suddenly can't hold them back any longer. The look on his face is an odd mixture of pain and longing, of relief and fear.]

[He stops, at the second kiss, shuttering his optics once more.]

I did. I... I've wanted to. Since I knew that I--

[Unfortunately, his desperation does a number on his observational skills. His wing pane fully butts up against the glowing red object... and something seems to shimmer along his plating.]

[There's a moment of uncertainty, before, abruptly, he falls forward.]

[Right through Shadomwaru. And the bookcase behind him.]

[Like a ghost.]

[Shadowmaru's optics widen as he watches Kagerou, bracing to catch him but is only taken aback.

He had passed right through him. His brow furrow as he turns around to see him and reaches out to try and help him up. But his hand only passes through him. His eyes widen even more, fearful as he tries to touch his back, his wings, anything.

His hands only pass through him.]

K-Kagerou?!

[He hits the floor hard. Harder than he should, given he just passed through both a bookshelf and his friend. And... his wings continue passing in and out of things. Out of Shadowmaru's hands. His body.]

[Very slowly, he starts pushing himself up onto his hands, his optic wide and confused.]

[One moment he was... being held. Kissing. Feeling cared for in a way he'd only ever dreamed of. And now...?]

[He turns, reaching for one of those grasping hands, and passing right through them.]

Shadow... Shadowmaru...

[What's happening?]

[He kneels down beside him and looks down at him helplessly. Shadowmaru watches as Kagerou's hands pass through him, confusion mixing into his features.]

I... [His optics flicker, back to green for a moment before they return to pink.]

What's wrong? What... what happened?

[He stares back at him, still trembling. But this time, it's not out of ... whatever emotion that was. Now it's out of fear.]

[Fear which doesn't at all lessen as he sees that flicker of changing color in Shadowmaru's optics.]

What's wrong with you? Your optics...

[Shadowmaru almost flinches at Kagerou's words and shifts to sit on one knee.]

Nothing is wrong with me! You're the one who is passing through things like a ghost!

You... you just don't seem to be yourself.

[Once more, he reaches again, only to have his hands pass through Shadowmaru's knee.]

[And the trembling only gets worse.]

What -- what's happening to me...?

[He rests his hand beside Kagerou's own on the ground and looks down at them sadly.]

I don't know, Kagerou. I've never seen anything like this before.

[He lifts his gaze to Kagerou's own, smile soft and pleasant.]

I'm not leaving you alone.

[He wraps his arms around himself, managing to get to his knees, huddled up on himself.]

I ... I haven't either.

[His wings fall, folding up around him.]

... Am I... am I dead...?

[His optics widen again, a familiar flash of green returning to his features.]

No!

[It's adrupt, genuinely fearful as his hand claws outward to try and gather up Kagerou. No. He wouldn't lose him again. He refused to let that happen. And the green shines through the pink even more as he stands up and looks around, as if assistance would be nearby.]

You're not dead! You... you can't be! How would you have died? By standing?

Edited 2014-03-23 05:06 (UTC)

[The green. That's oddly reassuring. It's normal to see the green -- not the pink. It's instinctual, when he reaches for him in return, only to fall through him once more.]

I don't know. I really don't know...

[A shiver runs through him. He wants to feel reassured by the words, by the determination in his friend. But the nagging doubt, the fear, won't go away completely.]

... I'm sorry. I'm afraid.

Kagerou...

[He stares at his friend, his shoulders slumping before he moves to sit down beside him. The pink glow returns, but not as vibrant as before. He sits as 'close' as he can beside his counterpart and vents a soft sigh, crossing his legs.]

Relax. I'm not going to leave your side, Kagerou. I promise.

[He looks over at him, too, only to feel the uncertainty return in full. That glow isn't right. As much as he wants this comfort -- he has to know what's wrong.]

You should see a medic. You should make sure your optics are all right.

[He seems to hunch up even more.]

Please.

No! I'm not leaving you! I told you I'm just fine!

[Shadowmaru crosses his arms defiantly]

I'm not going anywhere, and that's that.

Your optics are pink.

[He says it very softly. Firmly.]

Something is wrong.

Keh! Just because I found some new energon doesn't mean something is wrong with me! I'm functioning alright, aren't I?

[He frowns a little tighter and looks away from him stubbornly.

But stays put.]

... Wait. You found... you found what?

[Just like that, his head snaps around, staring at him in alarm.]

[He waves his hand in the air dismissively.]

I found some pink energon in Vector's area. I thought I'd try some. Wasn't too bad. Pretty normal.

[Physically anyways.]

Pink...?

It's not supposed to be that color...!

[And just like that, he's trying to grasp his chin, to get him to look.]

It could have poisoned you!

[He watches him and frowns tighter as his hands pass through him. But he does look straight at Kagerou.]

I'm not poisoned. If you want me to, I will go see a medic. But not now. Not while you're like this.

You have to! For me, please.

[He should stop himself, stop his hands from grasping uselessly for him, but he can't.]

If something happens to you... I don't know what I'd do!

A shadow is nothing without the one who casts them!

[Shadowmaru's eyes flicker back to green, gaze narrowed at his transparent form.]

You are not a shadow! If anything, I was the shadow. I followed your teachings. Your movements. Your everything!

You are not a shadow, Kagerou. You never have been, especially not in this past year.

[Green. There's that green again. It only serves to prove to him there's something wrong here.]

I don't mind it.

[He shakes his head a little, still staring at his face.]

I was happy, like that. Happy with you... that's what being your shadow is to me. Being together, unable to be parted.

[His hand hovers, near Shadowmaru's.]

So please. For someone you matter so much to... find a medic.

[Shadowmaru shakes his head protestingly at first but it soon stops. His head lowers, looking down at their hands.

Now his normal self was listening to what his counterpart was saying. Sober. Clear. His hand reaches down over Kagerou's. Even though it curls in on itself, he grips tightly, pursing his lips into a thin line.]

Alright. I-I'll contact a medic... I'll let them check in on me, but I'm coming right back for you. You understand?

[Some of the anxious rustling of his wings abates at that. He nods, turning his hand to try and hold onto the other's.]

[He's still worried. Very worried. But if Shadowmaru is going to locate help...]

Good. Thank you. The thought of anything happening to you...

[After a moment, he nods. Yes, he understands.]

I'll stay here.

If you have to move. Just, let me know alright?

[Shadowmaru stands up, fighting the urge to just stay with his fellow BP unit. But he changes into his canine form, ears drooped.]

I will. I promise you.

[Out of habit, he reaches to rest his hand between the other ninja's "ears". It passes through, of course.]

Please tell me what they find.

I will.

[And that soft pink hue in his eyes return. The 'wolf' leans into his pet before he turns to run out of the library, to seek help.]

Audio: Private to Kagerou

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