re_alignment | [Video] [Transmitting from Prima's Quadrant, outside Police Headquarters]

Entry tags:

tf: idw | wing

[Video] [Transmitting from Prima's Quadrant, outside Police Headquarters]

[The feed clicks on and Wing raises a hand to greet you. He's looking every bit himself again, though his usual cheer is replaced with a determined solemnity. The new Police Headquarters building stands behind him, from which he's obviously just emerged, with the light of Prima's temple shining from the distance.]

Fellow Haveners,

The last time I addressed you all in this fashion I was very much not myself, as many of you already know. Aside from not looking like myself, I was also suffering from a decidedly altered state of mind and morality, through no fault of my own. Unfortunately, I believe many others here may have also suffered because of it.

But first: Any issues you have with words or actions you assume were Drift's during that period, the week before last, know that they were mine instead. Due to Alpha Trion's pages, I looked near identical to Drift while he looked nothing like himself during that time. I do not wish him blamed for my actions or those perpetrated by my dark counterpart. If you have issues, please bring them to me.

[His head hangs in silence, gathering his thoughts. The weight of this is obviously heavy upon him, but he bears it with the quiet, composed grace of someone who has done much introspection. When he speaks, his tone carries both strength and empathy.]

I wish to extend a dutiful and sparkfelt apology for the wrongs incurred due to my words or deeds during that time. I can't tell you how much it pains me that I may have, even unintentionally, undermined your trust in me, damaged friendships or tarnished respect. It would never be my intention to deliberately slander, harm, make uncomfortable or otherwise create malcontent in this community.

[He cycles a ventilation here, slightly uncomfortable. Because though that's 99% true, he's fully aware that part of him bares little shame in his plots to kill Prism. That's something he's still trying to reconcile with his own values.]

As much as self exile is a fitting penance for someone such as I, which is why I have been out of touch of late, I realize it does little for the community which I have wronged. As such I would like to offer recompense to those my dark counterpart called out directly, in the form of one task or favor you wish of me. Such a task can be any of your choosing, so long as it is within my ability, though I do reserve the right to refuse on moral grounds...

If you feel such a thing is not necessary or refuse the offer for any other reason I will respect that, but remember I do this for you as much as myself, as it is part of my personal process of atonement.

Feel free to contact me publicly or privately, however you feel most safe. I urge anyone to please bring me any questions or concerns you have, I will field them all regardless of what you have to say, pleasant or not. I owe you all that much.

I'm sorry it took me this long to bring you apology, but it's taken me some time to get right with myself before being able to offer the same to all of you. You have my endless gratitude for your patience and understanding. By the Guiding Hand, I wish you all well.

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I imagine you have. People fall to darker desires and intentions, bad things happen. But it being common is no reason not to try to make it right. If anything, it is the a very good reason why I should make it right.

Obviously I'm not above all that, or this wouldn't have happened. But do I think myself capable of being better? Yes. Do you think that of yourself?

[He's content to continue to be boring unfortunately for you. Serious mech is serious.]

[Opticroll.] Listen. You can't 'make it right' like you can erase all of it from our memory cores. That's how fraggin' naive you are.

Sure, everyone's gonna tell you it's fine and all that scrap. [A shake of the bell.]

But things are going to change. Wait and see. Maybe someone'll be a little distant when they didn't used to be. Or a little more, you know....friendly. Because you did it. On Syk, under stupid pages, whatever. You did it. That doesn't change. What you do doesn't go away.

[Listen up, Wing, because Whirl doesn't get all honest and personal like that every day.]

So. You know. Use all the words you want. [A negligent shrug.] Run your vocalizer fraggin' out of charge. But if you think it's actually gonna undo what you did?

[Yeah, then you're stupid.]

[Wing weathers the storm fairly well to start, but by the time it's done his helm is bowed, pinions are tucked and optics shuttered.]

No. ...it can never be undone.

[This he knew. But it was different, hearing it from the outside, from one who seemed determined to reject all hope or recuperation.]

And if the damage is as irreparable as you say, if there's no healing to be done, no way to regain trust... then such is my penalty. [Threads of emotions carry through his voice as Wing speaks, but then it grows hard, determined.] But I won't forsake them all by not trying.

[Yeah well, no one believes in Whirl's recuperation. Not even Rung, probably.]

Yeah? Why's that? Oh, right. Because this is all about you. What was that part about 'doing this for myself'?

Look at you, trying to make a big fraggin' martyr of yourself. Seriously. What'd you even do? You didn't plant any bombs. You didn't kill anyone.

Stop acting like you're the worst mech here. [That's his crown, princess. Get your own.]

Fraggin' pathetic the way you're attention-whoring.

[Really. He's embarrassed for you.]

Edited 2012-09-28 12:43 (UTC)

[Maybe Whirl needs to start believing it first.]

'All about me?' [He'd ask if you were paying attention, but clearly you were sleeping through most of his transmission.] ....the entire rest of the post previous to that was about helping others.

But do I get some benefit? Yes of course I do. But we've discussed that before. You just don't see value in the same things I do.

[Oh but then his face goes flat and stern, his voice chilly.] If you think this is martrydom, then you don't know what that means.

[He shakes his helm.]

Not for lack of trying. And the worst mech here wouldn't post such an apology.

[He cycles a heavy sigh.] Whirl, what do you want? If 'attention whoring' really bothered you then you wouldn't be indulging me in conversation.

[There you go, always thinking you know best. Tsk tsk. ]

You mean all that rust wash? Yeah like I've never heard a lot of feel good slag covering up for ego before. [Please. He used to watch news after all. Each of the primes, just busting with aspirational slogans which led them....yeah. He shouldn't have to tell you that. ]

Yeah? Maybe you're the one that doesn't know what evil means. I mean, look at you pulling out the big time grief when what'd you even do, huh? Tried out some lame villain talk and sleazy double entendres. Oooooooo. Dastardly.

Cause all this kinda makes me ask, you know, if you do this big showy penance for that, what would you do if you'd actually done something bad? [Meaning if this is the standard apology for being a sleaze, Whirl kinda has no hope, right?]

Or I dunno maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all this isn't for what you did. Maybe it's for what you felt while doing it. Maybe, he'll, you liked it.

[It's a challenge he expects you to try your evasion on. Because, yeah, not like Whirl has any insight into this or anything. ]

[Wing does, but that doesn't mean he's not open to considering new things.]

'Feel good slag covering up for ego'? Are you saying that I'm really doing all of this just to save face? That my regrets and offerings aren't genuine? [It looks like he's warring between disbelief, offended irritation and sadness here.]

No Whirl. I probably don't. Not the living kind of evil I think you're talking about. I'll fully admit that's beyond my experience. [He cycles a sigh.] If you wish to label me naive because of it, that is your prerogative. And if you wish to ridicule me for being such, that is also your prerogative. I will feel no shame in it however.

[But there is no standard apology, because everyone's standards are different. Wing's tend to be higher than most.]

Whirl... [He frowns, his face pinched and weary. Because this is like ripping off a scab, his spark scrapped raw over so many conflicting emotions, many of them unwanted.] There's no 'maybe' about it. The stronger the emotions were, the more vivid the memories are. And they feel like MY memories, MY feelings, even if I wasn't acting the way I should be. So yes, I--HE--liked it very much!

So if you're wondering if I'm apologizing for things I only thought about doing, yes you're very much correct. That probably sounds ridiculous to you but for me, for someone whom true evil is beyond their direct experience, it is horrible.

If you were half as 'enlightened' as you act like you are, you'd admit that that's at least fraggin' part of it.

[Whirl snorts. ] So, wow, yeah. Seriously. So you spent a week thinking like the rest of us. Really horrible, huh? How the scrap you think you can empathize with us when you can't even be us for a week without all this guilt scrap?

[Several moments click by as Wing seems to take mental inventory of his strength of his resolve. After the past week, he comes up a bit short. He's exhausted, and it shows.]

I won't say it's not. [The saving face part.]

[But.]

I don't appreciate the implication that I'd lie to do it.

[A beat. Or two.]

...'like the rest of us'?

How can you know the thoughts I had? And how can you say they're the same as what everyone else thinks? [And wow... he's a little startled to know he's apparently in some other category by himself?]

Sorry you don't 'appreciate' it. [No he's not. Take your privileged language and shove it up your afterburner, jet.]

You wanna know? Because guess what? While you've been hiding in Drift's little hippy city, I've been, you know, around real mechs in real situations.

And you might consider that if you wanna turn this into a big crime, because you had some bad thoughts, guess that means you probably want Drift to just, I dunno, go kill himself.

[His mouth firms in a flat line, which is all the response he gives. Wing would only be arguing his own credibility at this point, trying, again to save face. Likely a wasted effort when it comes to Whirl he realizes. Maybe this was his punishment. Things coming full circle.]

[Drift's city? Far from it. But that didn't matter here.] Real mechs and real situations? So those of us who didn't participate in the war are less real?

I'm not trying to turn this into---W-WHAT!? [Wing just gawks, horrified. In fact, it looks a bit like someone's just slapped him.] NO! I'd NEVER!? That's absurd! Why would I--Why would he--? Don't--"

[He's about to say, 'Don't bring Drift into this.' Because it feels like a low blow. And maybe it is--striking at one of his most sensitive areas--but then it hits him. Somehow, he gets the message buried in there, underneath all the unnecessary shock value (which he should know by now is just Whirl Language). Was this making things more painful for Drift? Because Wing was overly self-righteous, too sheltered or not strong enough to just shrug all this off?]

[It strikes him with doubt and worry and he falls into a stunned silence, momentarily forgetting the video feed is even open.]

[Of course it's a low blow. It's Whirl. If you're not on his very short special list, his job is to poke at anything that can hurt. He's about a subtle as a shotgun.]

Hurt your special little feelings?

[Poking with a shotgun takes talent only Whirl would have. And Wing is not one to hide those weaknesses. Though someday...he may.]

[He's quiet for several moments.]

No.

More that I've hurt someone else's. [Which is more painful than any harm ever done directly to him.]

[Whirl is amazingly inventive when it comes to pushing buttons.]

So? Their problem, isn't it? Not your feelings, not your thing.

That's not the way I work though Whirl. It matters to me. He matters.

[He shrugs, because he knows it likely won't matter to you.]

Then you're setting yourself up for suck.

[Oh lawdy, Whirl is offering advice.]

Seriously. If you don't do something because of what others are gonna think, or that you might hurt someone's widdle feewings, you're gonna find you can't do anything. At all.

And even that'll torque someone off.

It pays off in both ways Whirl.

[He sighs, because though he disagrees in a way, in another Whirl is right.]

So you're saying don't let my consideration for others paralyze me? [.....] There must be a compromise right?

Yeah? So life sucks.[News at 11.]

Pretty much. Someone's gotta look after what you want.

... [Oh hell with it.]

No, I meant there's good suck and bad suck.

[Admittedly, he's always had someone looking out for him. Though, it's certainly true that they haven't always been focused on what he wanted.]

You have a point. A better balance, perhaps.

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[Video] [Transmitting from Prima's Quadrant, outside Police Headquarters]

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[video] Oh Whirl, you and your reality checks! XD

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