re_alignment | [VIDEO] Welcome Back?

Current Mood: pensive

Entry tags:

tf: idw | perceptor

[VIDEO] Welcome Back?

[He's been here before. At least, that is what the Acolyte that greeted his arrival informed him, warning him that some of the "other refugees" might assume some level of familiarity with him. Past friendships forged, previous alliances made, beings encountered...]

[Perceptor remembers none of it.]

[His expression as he regards the Link is calm and inscrutable, though, despite how unsettling it is to find that his memories, if they were even his own memories, are... altered. Or missing. Or incomplete. Something.]

Do I have a laboratory here?

[Why beat around the bush, as Verity would have said. Well, she might have added a few... choice terms, perhaps, but, still. The sentiment remains.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Good. Perceptor tends to be a bit rough with his things.]

Agreed.

[But you're dodging the question, and Perceptor gives you a look that indicates that he noticed... but that he's letting it slide. For now.]

And perhaps take those lessons back with us to help our own Cybertron.

[Perceptor flicks a look side-long at Drift.]

Are you happy, Drift?

[Okay, maybe not for that long.]

[It's not dodging. It's evading. Completely different. Maybe. Sort of.]

That's true. But not at the cost of ruining this world.

[He owes Vector that much, at least.]

Happy? [It's not a hard question at all to answer, in one way.] Yes. Wing's here.

[That answer was hard to say, though, and he steps back, almost dreading the other's response.]

.....

...oh. That's... that's good. I'm glad for you.

[Even if he feels like he's there on the floor of Turmoil's ship, again, his chest blown out, and leaking his vital fluids into the darkness.]

[Wing... Wing will be better for Drift, though. For this Drift, with his calm and his fragile hopes and dreams. Much better than a dark and gloomy sniper. He forces a thin smile onto his features as he turns toward Drift again.]

Very glad. So. The Hub?

[Oh, no. No. Drift winces, recognizing that walled expression. ]

Perceptor. Please. It's....

[It's what, Drift? It's not like that? It was totally like that.]

[He deflates.]

Please. Give him a chance. Give me a chance?

[It's a lot to ask, probably too much.]

[Nothing is too much. Not for Drift. Perceptor wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for Drift. He could ask for anything he wanted, and it wouldn't be enough to repay that. To repay the happiness Drift offered him once.]

A chance?

[That makes him pause and Perceptor stares at Drift blankly.]

....you haven't done anything wrong? Neither of you have. Why would...

[He shakes his head, one hand absently rising to rub at his chest plate, as if soothing an ache.]

He saved you. You saved me. He was good for you. I owe him.

[Simple logic. Targets neatly lined up and just as neatly shot down. The faint, hollow smile is back as he tries to make himself believe his own words.]

[He does believe them. He does owe Wing. He just... wishes that...]

[No. That's an unworthy thought. Drift deserves to be happy. Even if-- Especially if that means leaving Perceptor behind and moving on. Again.]

You've done nothing wrong, Drift. It's fine.

[He hates his ineptitude in moments like this. It seems so simple; everyone should be happy! But it was so hard to do in life.]

You were good for me, too, Perceptor. I just couldn't see it at the time.

[Stupid war, stupid obligation. Stupid...Drift.]

Can...do you want to meet him?

[Perceptor shakes his head. Perceptor had been a weapon to guard Drift, and a port in the storm of Autobot indifference and antagonism. Nothing more.]

[Except that does Drift a disservice. Drift... had deserved so much better, then, and he still does now.]

Don't, Drift. It's all right. You saw... what there was to be seen. Nothing more, nothing less.

[He shrugs painfully.]

I was. That's... [more than he deserved.] ...enough.

[Meet Wing? Does he want to meet Wing? Did he want to find out his true worth to his fellow Autobots there on Turmoil's ship?]

I'd be honored to.

[He can do this.]

No, Perceptor. All I could see was the war. I was wrong.

[This hurts, way more than it should.]

I know you'll like him. [It's impossible not to.] Let's get you a drink and I'll get the datapad and then when you've gotten some engex in you....

[If he says enough words it'll all be okay, right?]

If that were true, you would have stayed with the Wreckers.

[Perceptor shakes his head, instantly wishing that he could unsay those words. He hadn't meant it to sound like that. Perhaps he had, just a little, deep down in the painfully tight ball of agony in his chest, wanted to hurt Drift back, but not really. Really not really.]

If that were true.... [Try that again...] you would have stayed trapped like the rest of us. [That's... that's better, right?]

[He just nods to the rest. Perceptor knows that he'll hate Wing. He's not good enough, decent enough to be able to not hate him. But Wing also saved Drift, and Drift loves Wing, and Perceptor cannot hurt Drift by hating that which he loves.]

[He's absently rubbing at his chest again.]

Engex sounds good.

[Maybe something harder than engex. Something that makes it too hard to think and feel anymore.]

[He's just going to droop. Because that's logic, and he has no answer to logic, even though it was wrong. He honestly thought he was doing the right thing. Or...maybe, he honestly thought he didn't deserve what Perceptor had offered, that he hadn't earned it.]

Right. Engex.

[They could both use it, he thinks, leading him inside.]

Drift, wait.

[Perceptor's hand flashes out, trying to grasp Drift's arm to keep him from turning away and slipping through that doorway.]

I'm glad that you're happy, Drift.

[He gives Drift's arm a squeeze. Even though it hurts, Perceptor really is happy.]

You've suffered enough; you deserve happiness, and I'm glad you've found it. I'm glad you found him.

[He stops--how could he not--at the hand on his spaulder, his mouth twitching and unreadable as he turns. So much for running away. Again.]

Perceptor. It doesn't have to be like that. It doesn't have to be someone wins, someone loses.

[There's a mute question in his voice: does it?]

[Perceptor blinks. He isn't sure that he understands what Drift is trying to say.]

I'm not certain that is my decision to make.

But if you don't even open yourself to the possibility?

[Don't make him get all mystical about your holistic energies, dammit.]

....scientifically speaking, nothing is impossible.

[Just statistically improbable. And Perceptor... is afraid to hope for much anymore.]

[But Perceptor isn't above greedily accepting whatever crumbs Drift may offer him.]

[If Drift will allow him, Perceptor will use that grasp he still has on Drift's arm to pull the white mech into a hug.]

You are not some trinket to be contested over like a trophy, Drift. You are worth more than such petty squabbling; you deserve better. Winning... Losing... It isn't like that. It's... Just... just be happy, Drift. In whatever way that takes.

[Perceptor is a little surprised to realize that he really means that.]

Edited 2013-04-20 05:15 (UTC)

[Yeah, well, Drift ain't scientific.]

That's...a start?

[A very small one, probably measured in fractions.]

[Okay the hug's a pretty good start, too. At least it's not rejection.]

I want you to be happy, too. All of us.

[Which sounds really childish now that he's saying it aloud, and also, probably, muffling it into Perceptor's chestplate doesn't help.]

[No, Drift really is more a work of art than of science.]

[Perceptor sighs softly. He wants to shake Drift, just a little. Shake him and explain all the fear that is stirring up the conflict in his spark. That Perceptor is terrified of being rejected. Again. That he would accept even scraps of attention, if that's all Drift had to give. As long as Wing would allow it. Really, as long as it wouldn't make Wing retaliate against Drift.]

[He can't say any of that, though. He couldn't find the words to articulate it, even if he'd had the bravery to say them.]

As do I. Just... don't jeopardize what you have for me, Drift.

[Because Perceptor isn't worth that.]

[Shaking might help. Drift's stubborn, after all and it seems so simple. Everyone: like each other.

[But he knew it wasn't that easy--the Perceptor here before had actually liked Wing far more than Drift. But that was, even so, not entirely upsetting. ]

And all I'm saying is don't throw away a chance at happiness. I did. Before.

[With you.]

[Another sigh, and Perceptor tightens his arms around Drift.]

No, Drift. You did what you needed to do.

I missed you. [I needed you.] But I am very glad that you were not with us on Garrus-9.

I did what I thought best, but the best is sometimes, well...bigger than we can think.

[He's hardly fighting the hug, and at Perceptor's words, his grip tightened.]

I'm sorry. [For what Perceptor had to go through, and alone.]

[Perceptor heaves another soft sigh and shakes his head.]

And sometimes, one must do what is best for oneself, regardless of what another may prefer. Stop apologizing for what you needed to do, Drift. It only plays into my own selfishness.

But sometimes what we think is best...isn't. We have to do the wrong thing sometimes to see the right.

[Dammit, Wing was so much better at Gnomic Wisdom. He's trying, Perceptor. He really is.]

[Perceptor can very much see that Drift is trying, and he appreciates it on one level. On another, he's so frustrated with the white mech for the self-castigation. That's Perceptor's job, slag it!]

I love you, you know.

[It's very calm and matter-of-fact, for all that it's barely above a thin whisper.]

But sometimes, I wish to shake you until you make sense. Or stop harming yourself.

[He...uh, he didn't know. And if he'd known back then....? He probably would still have left, but he'd have run away, instead, to save Perceptor from a poor choice.]

_{Why does it have to be so hard?}

[Because everything was a struggle, for him. Everything was a fight.]

[action] I feel your pain. -_-;

[action] also the cough syrup is making me sick ;-;

[action] ugh! also 1/2

[action] 2/2

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[action] schmoop alert

[action] now I want to know the sound effect for this schmoopsiren

[action] it involves popping shoujo bubbles and hearts with twinkle arpeggios, I think

[action] and a surgeon general's warning

[action] icon love!

[action]couldn't resist!

[action] so many awesome icons!

[action] i am so lazy at making them ;-;