[Audio] Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in Liege's temple.

[my_own_trope]

[Guess who just woke up from his 3-month coma? Furthermore, guess whose body managed to finagle itself out of prison where it was seen last?
If you guessed this sleeping beauty, you're at least not wrong. Sorry about that, Haven, this asshole is back.
Don't worry, there was plenty of screaming involved; both upon waking, and then directed at nearby furniture and the sky in general.]

[The Audio opens with Starscream sounding like he's just run a marathon.]

Someone tell me what blasted day it is!


------------
[Locked to TFP Megatron]

My Lord...?

------------
[Locked to TFP Shockwave]

Do you still live?

------------
[Locked to TFP Knock Out]

I think it's about time we had a talk. [And now he sounds mad]

Comments

I feel like the theme here is: MACHINES SHOULD NOT BE SELF-AWARE. ONLY BAD THINGS HAPPEN AFTER

[my_own_trope]

You're joking.

The irony is that it's two machines talking to each other

[redshirtrobot]

Would anyone honestly make a joke like that?

In a millennium-long war because one machine noticed it was being left out and got jealous

[my_own_trope]

You're right. It sounds too stupid to be made-up.

Ugh.

I'd TOLD Lord Megatron to leave Dark Energon alone. What did the humans want anyway?

So the entire canon is basically SENTIENT MACHINES ARE BAD

[redshirtrobot]

You told him to leave it alone so you played with it instead.

The Iacon Archives. There were a bunch of relics and the ship decoded a few entries. So the humans copied the database and then saved our tailpipes, so... fair trade I guess.

Only when they have feelings. (Since robots are apparently really sensitive)

[my_own_trope]

It's not like I was aware it granted inanimate objects sapience! Nowhere was that in any of the logs!

[No big surprise Megatron didn't have folders upon folders documenting his bad decisions.]

By "ship" did you mean "Soundwave?"

And they all seem to have those. (Silly oversensitive robots.)

[redshirtrobot]

No, I mean the ship. Soundwave had been having trouble decoding it but once the ship became self-aware it decoded like... four entries instantly.

Megatron was apparently pretty happy about it until the ship decided it was in charge.

You would all be happier as toasters, silly robots. I lobotise you because I love you

[my_own_trope]

Soundwave, anything but perfect and bested by a ship? Well, well. Do wonders never cease?

What else did I miss?

It's all for the greater good, robots

[redshirtrobot]

A lot of running around trying to find artifacts and stuff. Airachnid killed Breakdown and that crazy human stuck himself in the corpse. Oh, and those dirty Insecticons showed up.

And I heard a bunch of clones of you tried to killed Megatron.

Shh, just close your eyes. It'll be over soon, robots

[my_own_trope]

And in the end it was I who came out on top with the keys. You'd all have done better if you'd asked me to return sooner.

Well you know what they say about clones.

You'll thank us later, robots

[redshirtrobot]

We didn't ask you, you just kind of showed up with all the keys that kid Smokescreen made off with.

... they're exact duplicates of the original with all of the original's motivations?

You're welcome in advance, robots

[my_own_trope]

Not just those keys. ALL the keys. And that's the problem isn't it? If you'd only asked earlier, I could have provided results earlier.

You've obviously heard wrong. Clones are insane, maladjusted, and entirely unpredictable.

[redshirtrobot]

We weren't going to ask you because you betrayed the Decepticons. You should know how Megatron feels about traitors. You're lucky he didn't hang your corpse off the bow of the ship as a warning.

Uh-huh. Sure.

[Just keep telling yourself that, man. That those clones were absolutely nothing like you.]

[my_own_trope]

I was betrayed first! That wretch Airachnid turned me over to the Autobots and I saw no efforts of a rescue on anyone's part!

[He's still sore about that]

[redshirtrobot]

That's because Airachnid didn't call for backup. And by the time she got back you were already palling around with the Autobots.

[Let's not talk about the fact that he actually pals around with Autobots do do dooo.]

[my_own_trope]

An action born of necessity! Nothing more!
Do you think that farce was pleasant? The one they call Arcee nearly deactivated me, and while I was a prisoner no less!

Besides, I had hoped someone would notice the lack of a commanding seeker among Autobot ranks during the, oh I don't know, any number of occasions you were both exchanging fire!

[He'd hoped Megatron had noticed. Sometime he likes to pretend the boss did.]

[redshirtrobot]

Of course everyone noticed you weren't there. That doesn't change that you left and never came back to the ship. Except to steal from us.
So which part of the farce was stealing energon from Lord Megatron's very ship supposed to be?

[He doesn't believe you man. Not at all.]

[my_own_trope]

[Answering any of those points leaves Starscream's neuroses a little too open to be picked over. Instead the only thing he blurts out is a resentful pout:]

Didn't seem like anyone missed me.

[#awkward]

[redshirtrobot]

That's because you lie to the other officers and abuse your subordinates.

[Let's make it more awkward shall we?]

[my_own_trope]

[You can almost hear his eyes rolling]

It's like people are somehow surprised they're Decepticons.

[Was he supposed to feel bad about that?]

[redshirtrobot]

It's like you think everyone will forgive you being a complete jerk because of our faction.

Even Megatron knew you can only abuse your subordinates so much before they all abandon you.

[my_own_trope]

Have you met your warlord?








Lord Megatron is a lot of things, certainly, but you'd be a fool to mistake him as overly sweet.

[redshirtrobot]

Yes, I have.





He's also only thrown one soldier off the ship in recent history, and killed one officer.

How many soldiers had you destroyed personally in the last few months?

[my_own_trope]

Is this some sort of competition now?

[redshirtrobot]

Yeah. The "which officer depletes resources the least" competition.

I'm afraid you're losing.