Video~!

[0perator]

[Why hello yes that is an Alia wearing a face-eating pair of heart-shaped shutter shades and a very glittery pink feather boa. She grins into the video feed.]

Greetings, Haven!

[The feed pans out to take in Knock Out as well, red paintjob shinning red even more than usual for the occasion. He has some v-cards on his hand and a mischievous grin on his face. Alia waves.]

Valentine's Day is coming up, and for all the people who will be missing the festivities this year, Knock Out and I have scienced [shut up that is a verb now] a perfect solution for all your romance needs! We have perfected a one hundred and twenty percent accurate matchmaking algorithm, perfect for bringing some interest and excitement into your love life!

Now, if you're not up on your Earth cultural traditions, don't sweat! We have you covered!

[Knock Out nods and then chimes in.] Now, what’s that entire Valentine’s nonsense about, you might wonder? Valentine’s a human mating festivity that mixes different courting techniques. One of the most common ones is the exchange of little notes with romantics statements.

[Knock Out clears his throat and starts to read some of the cards. To help everybody to get into the spirit of valentine day, Alia and Knock Out left one v-card in front of everyone's room door. In fact, just to get into the real spirit of the holiday, all the v-cards conveniently sport the forged signatures of random people around Haven the best match according to that very scientific matchmaking algorithm. Feel free to find yours and thank them.]

Enjoy all that love in the air! 'Cause if you can't get laid on Valentine's Day, the other three hundred and sixty four days aren't looking too good either.

Comments

audio

[redshirtrobot]

Decapitation doesn't really say affection to me. Maybe because I can't survive without a head.

[Ratchet you are a terrible person. Fracas can't tell if he's angry or scared at the moment.]

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

[that's a mock gasp and tone of shock.]

What makes you think I'd decapitate someone I like?

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[redshirtrobot]

Considering what you did to those Acolytes when you showed up, I'm pretty sure I have a good idea what you do to people.

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

That was a one off.

[said flatly. there was a flippant hand wave, too - but fracas won't be able to see it.]

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[redshirtrobot]

Oh really? And what do you usually do to people you claim you like?

[HE DOESN'T BELIEVE YOU.]

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

Well, I certainly don't decapitate them!

[that's just silly!]

audio

[redshirtrobot]

So you do everything to them but decapitation.

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

That's funny.

I'm not incapable of caring about people, you know. I'm a medic for a reason.

[a batshit insane one but he does genuinely want to help people :c]

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[redshirtrobot]

But I don't need another medic, I already have one.

And a boyfriend too.

[Technically two but we're not getting into that.]

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

That's good! I'd rather people not need a medic.

[that's a lie.]

Oh! Who's the lucky mech? [clap clap clap!] That's so cute!

audio

[redshirtrobot]

Uh-huh.

[He cannot imagine a medic that wouldn't want injured people at least every once in a while.]

... Another Vehicon. How is that cute?

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

Can't I be happy for you without you expecting it to be some sort of plot?

[drones thinking they can feel love HOW ADORABLE.]

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[redshirtrobot]

Considering you probably don't even think I'm a person?

No.

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

Oh, but where would we be without the Vehicons doing all the jobs no-one else will stoop to?

[his tone could not be more condescending.]

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[redshirtrobot]

I swear, I would shoot you in the face with a cannon right now if I could. And then I'd dump your body where the Acolytes would never find it.

[He hates you so very very much.]

Re: audio

[letmefixyou]

[ratchet erupts in shrill laughter.]

I love you too!