Number III: A Public Service Announcement

[nobody_number_8]

[The transmission opens with a full body shot of Axel. It seems he has the communicator propped up on something in order to allow a wider view, and from the looks of the background, he's somewhere around the Junkpile.]

Hey there, robots of Haven. Autobots, Decepticons and.... miscellaneous others. Thank you all for tuning in today for this very special public service announcement.

What is it about, you might ask? Well, to be perfectly honest, it's about your attitudes. Specifically, your attitudes towards humans, humanoids, and other organics like myself.

Now I know what some of you are probably thinking. 'What's that pointy-haired weirdo talking about? I like organics just fine. Why, some of my best friends are organics!' And believe me, we all appreciate the friendliness and general lack of deliberate attempts to stomp us.

However, it's not the liking part that's the issue here. What the issue is is the simple fact that you all seem to think being 20-feet tall and made of metal automatically means that you're superior. Especially when it comes to the ability to defend yourself. And I don't just mean certain unpleasant individuals who'd try to squish us for fun. I mean all of you, or at least most of you.

You might try to be nice about it, and you're probably genuinely trying to protect them, but when one of your organic friends wants to help out in a fight? Your general attitude always tends to come off as 'Look, it's cute that you think you can help, but just sit over here while the grown-ups handle things, OK?' And when your friends actually can fight? It's as condescending as hell.

Case in point, my friend Sora. Recently, Knockout locked him in his medbay with him in an attempt to protect him. Which would be great... if Sora needed it. But he doesn't. Lemme tell you a little bit about Sora.

This kid spends most of his time back home traveling from world to world fighting monsters made of pure Darkness called Heartless. I once saw him take out 1000 of them in the space of about ten minutes using nothing but his Keyblade and his wits. Aside from Heartless, he's also fought and beaten- among other things- pirates, the Boogie Man, a sea witch imbued with all the power of the ocean and grown to the size of a skyscraper, and a sorceress who turned into a giant, fire-breathing dragon. Not to mention, he's saved the world at least twice.

I could go on, but the bottom line is that he can damn well take care of himself, even against things like you. He doesn't need to be protected or coddled. In fact, he should probably be protecting some of you.

And just in case you think Sora is an isolated case...

[Axel steps a bit to one side, revealing a chunk of Cybertronian-looking scrap-metal about the size of a fridge.]

Here's a nice chunk of Cybertronian metal. And here's what a guy like me can do to it if I'm so inclined.

[Axel points a palm at the chunk of metal and tosses off a Firaga at it. The large fireball strikes and envelops the chunk of scrap, which quickly becomes red hot and begins to melt. When the fire dissipates a few moments later, the chunk of metal is badly scorched and melted enough to be mostly unrecognizable compared to its previous state.

Axel turns calmly back to the camera.]

So for future reference? Don't automatically assume that just because we're small and squishy that we're helpless. It'll save your organic friends a lot of frustration and it'll save you from looking like an ass.

Any questions?

Comments

[deadlydoctor]

[Knock Out? dramatic? You must be seeing things.]

You are a little noisy human, it's hard not to notice.

[He relaxes, slightly.] If Axel wants to play with you he only has to ask and I'll let him inside the clinic.

[heartdive]

But you told Ratchet I sleep all the time. Can't be both, Knock Out!

[deadlydoctor]

...


You snore.

[heartdive]

Not all the time!

[deadlydoctor]

Often enough.

If you are bored at work I can give you more things to do.

[heartdive]

Like what?

[deadlydoctor]

Liek teaching you how the medical equipment works. Most of the machines can be operate hitting specific keywords combinations. [Knock Out smirks. You are so tiny.]

You can always jump on them.

[heartdive]

Ha ha. Aren't you funny.

[ sticks out tongue! but not saying no. ]

[deadlydoctor]

I could have been a comedian. Alas, I look better holding a chainsaw than a microphone.

[He can read between lines.]

[heartdive]

...Chainsaw. Ah.

[ that thought is a little scary. what does a DOCTOR need with that. ]

[deadlydoctor]

And I have a drill and welders and a lot of more pointy surgery tools. When your patient's skin is made of metal you can't be a doctor without those.

[heartdive]

Still thinking that a chainsaw might be a little much...

[deadlydoctor]

What I am supposed to use if not a chainsaw?

[heartdive]

Laser?

oops sorry

[deadlydoctor]

Do I look like a robot from a 80' tv show, Kid?

Laser, pfff....

[heartdive]

Do you want me to answer that honestly?

[deadlydoctor]

[How dare you.] I am suddenly not sure...

[heartdive]

Robots that transform into vehicles? Kinda does sound like something they'd put on TV don't you think?

[deadlydoctor]

That sounds like a really absurd premise for a tv show, who would watch that? You need more than just robots transforming. You need something like, I don't know...dinosaurs.

[heartdive]

Dinosaurs. You can't put dinosaurs and robots together... That's like some serious time shenanigans at work.

[deadlydoctor]

Why not? There must be a way. [Shockwave added Predacons to their daily shenanigans, it's practically the same thing.]

Now you are going to tell me I can't add giant animals to that imaginary tv show we are making up, like a purple griffon.

[heartdive]

Riiiiiight. That's just getting silly.

[deadlydoctor]

I agree.

I think I will go do some work to do and try to ignore the fact that you managed to sneak your girlfriend into the clinic. [He has cameras installed for a reason, Kid.]

[heartdive]

GIRLFRIEND!?

[deadlydoctor]

Kay.