re_alignment | [Video] Post Event

Entry tags:

brave police: j-decker | deckard

[Video] Post Event

I . . . I want to apologize for everyone I interacted with over the past few weeks. It was behavior unbecoming of a police officer. I believe I was under the influence of . . . something. [He's honestly not sure what, or how.] It was not voluntary, but i-if . . . if anyone feels disciplinary action would be appropriate . . .

[He shakes himself a bit, engine running just a little harder than normal - despite the calm exterior, he's really upset about this.]

If anyone needs me, I'll . . .

I'll be in Alpha Trion's temple, in the libraries.

[~~not!hiding...~~]

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i I'm fine. Please don't worry.

[Hahaha wow he doesn't even know how to answer that other question, oops.]

[Were he not already too deep in his own issues, he'd think to pursue that. As it is, he just…accepts it, not really even realizing to think otherwise.]

Glad to hear it. Ping me if you need anything.

Right. If you see Shadowmaru... tell him I want to talk to him. Please.

Honestly? I haven't seen him in weeks.

But if I do, I'll let him know.

[He feels so disconnected from his team, it's not even funny. On the other hand, he doesn't want to seem like he's imposing himself on any of you guys, so...he...has been kind of keeping his distance and keeping himself occupied.]

... Weeks?

[Well that's not reassuring.]

[There's a brief but notable pause before he replies again.]

I don't see you guys very often anymore.

Don't worry, Kagerou. I'm talking about even before the whole mess with crystals started. I'm sure you've seen him more recently than I have.

You two are rooming together, aren't you?

I... haven't been paying attention to police work like I should be. Right? How did you know we were...?

No, no, you're fine. There's really not been anything TO pay attention to.

I didn't. I was just figuring because it makes sense, since a lot of people choose to stay with others they know instead of being alone. [It's why he himself sleeps in the garage at the precinct, because where McCrane stays, and Blurr many times.] I know Shadowmaru missed you terribly back home.

As you say.

[He doesn't want to screw this up, okay.]

I... I missed him. As well.

[It's okay, Kagebird. You'd be surprised just how badly you'd have to screw up –intentionally, at that –before Deckard would even begin to consider kicking you off the team. Basically, it's just not really possible.]

I don't doubt that, if he means to you anything even close to what I know you mean to him. I'd venture to say even more than the rest of us. I remember how devastated he was when we lost you.

Anyway, I'm sure he's fine. He tends to disappear for a while for various reasons, but then he always turns back up.

... Devastated. I. I'm sorry.

[Even if it's foolish to apologize. He doesn't know what to say, beyond that. It still hurts -- maybe even more so now that he's done something to drive the other ninja away.]

[Because he really does blame himself.]

Why would he leave the others like that?

Not your fault, Kagerou. If anything, he's the one who failed you. We all did.

He just does. A lot of us are that way. [He certainly is . . . he'd hazard a guess that the others got their tendencies to do so from him, even.] If he was affected by those crystals like I was, he probably did or said something he's embarrassed or ashamed of, and he's dealing with it in private. He's always been one of the more private among us when it comes down to it.

If he's gone for much longer, though . . . let me know. I'll help you look for him. McCrane, Gunmax, and Power Joe will help too, I'm sure.

No. He didn't. He could never fail me. Not in any way. I will never think that -- not about him.

[He couldn't blame Shadowmaru for anything if he tried.]

It... he said a few things. But I'm not angry with him. I never was... Thank you.

I know you would never think that. I’m just stating what his side is, or as I understand it.

I see. Even if you are not angry, if he said things under the influence of those crystals, that's probably why he's tucked himself somewhere now. I'd be willing to bet that's it. [After all, look at him…"tucked away" in Trion's library right now like he is.]

You're welcome. Always.

I don't understand why he would ever think he'd failed me... why he would think I would blame him. Then. I need to find him. Immediately. We need to talk.

Yes, you do.

Will you let me know what comes of this?

[It's not that he's nosy, truly. He just worries about his team and wants to know they're okay.]

You... really want to know?

Of course.

I hope I don't seem nosy or something. It's just that you're both part of my team. I care about my teammates and what happens to them. To you.

That still takes getting used to.

I do hope that you're able to one day. Because for my part, I promise that won't change.

Maybe. We'll see.

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