re_alignment | [Voice] -> [Video]

Entry tags:

brave police: j-decker | kagerou

[Voice] -> [Video]

[Well, this is a new voice. Maybe not for some. But for the most part, this is the kind of voice you'd expect to be all suave and smooth. Like it should be accompanied by saxophone music, or sounding entirely too pleased with itself.]

[Instead? It just sounds downright frantic.]

What is this--! It wasn't like this a moment ago.

[As if in response to his demand, the feed abruptly switches to video. That sure is a new face, standing there on top of a temple roof. He's not a Cybertronian, that's obvious. He's also very obviously distraught.]

[Though... his design is oddly similar to someone else usually present in the Haven. In fact, they look a lot alike.]

Who did this! Which one of you! Answer me!

[The more he talks, the more agitated he seems to become. Like every word is putting him more and more on edge.]

Someone here has to know. Where is he!

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Well, unless the frame is a copy? They're constructed right? It's no impossible.

[That's an uncomfortable question Wing imagines. He knows sparks aren't meant to exist outside a casing much less a frame...]

I... [a sigh] A lot of things. In the end, I had the opportunity to change a mech's life for the better. That's repayment enough for me. [he smiles] Having him here means a lot too. I never got to tell him how I felt...before.

[It's bittersweet.]

That's often how they describe truly dedicated love, but sadly I...have not experienced it to that level. [He looks down, a little sheepish because he's just outed himself as a consummate romantic, which some might find foolish.]

But... it's perfect. It's exactly as it was. Could... they really reconstruct something with that much... detail?

[Which just implies that yes, Kagerou did pay that much attention to his fellow ninjabot's frame. Probably not the best implication, but there you go.]

How you felt...? About him?

[Wow. That. Sounds familiar. Even if he's not entirely sure what his feelings even are.]

Love? No, I... I'm AI. I don't think it's possible to... You're more capable than I would be.

I don't know. All I know is that strange things I never thought possible are capable here. I shouldn't be in Drift's frame. Spark transfer is something that is incredibly tricky--specialized equipment is required and there's a lot of risk involved.

[Who is Wing to judge? Maybe they have a unique relationship, but, there really isn't a Cybertronian analog and he's certainly not going to judge by Earth standards... As far as Wing is concerned, you can love whomever you please as long as no one is harmed.]

Yes... I developed an attraction, then an affection, for him while he stayed in my city. But I was trying to guide him, show him a better way than his previous life. I could have done that through love, but I didn't want to him to purely associate the good things in life with me, because if I was ever taken from him...

[In the end if didn't matter. Drift fell for him anyway and Wing died anyway. Wing was just happy that it served to solidify Drift on his path rather than make him stray from it. It's odd, talking about this, because he never has with anyone before. Drift yes, in bits and pieces, but there's something about Kagerou's earnestness and completely open mind that is refreshing and easy to speak to.]

It's not? Are you certain? If you wouldn't mind...describe to me how you feel? What's it like when you think of him, when he's not around?

Spark transfer. Not just your personality? Your data?

[Is such a thing even possible? Then again, look at where they are. None of this should be possible.]

[He's quiet for a moment, because... in a way, that sounds familiar. Not entirely, but a lot of it--]

The way you say it. Feels similar. Looking after someone -- trying to teach them. Showing them what they need to do. Caring... for them...

[Though he doesn't know if he can speak to the attraction part. He pauses again.]

It... hurts. Like something breaking. Like a hole -- damage. I have the memories. But they ... even those hurt.

We can transfer our memories--share them--but it's only data to someone else, it's not like living it. Our spark is our life force, where our individuality comes from. I think your Super AI chip serves a similar function for you...?

[Wing is really starting to question what he understands as the boundaries of what's possible...]

Yes, when you care about someone you want what's the best for them. When you love them, that caring is beyond measure, and often, you'll put their needs before your own.

[He nods, slowly and sympathetically.]

Love feels like that when it's lost or broken Kagerou. Love isn't something you can be programmed for. It's what sentient, sapient beings do. That loss you feel, the hole, the damage, that's the loving place you reserved for him.

I'm sorry that it's empty now. That you've been separated from him. I wish I could do more for you. But I can offer comfort, however you need it. [Seriously, cuddles would be pretty awesome right about now.]

And realize that if you loved once...you can do so again. [He smiles, because this is the seed of hope and wonder!]

Edited 2012-10-03 01:03 (UTC)

Yes. I think so. But aren't all memories nothing more than data? Something... you can copy or alter? And those... they don't go with your ... sparks?

[This is all very hard to understand when you're trying to cope with being in the wrong frame, and the reason you exist missing and...]

[And wow, that sounds familiar.]

Maybe... we're alike. In that. Is that fair to say?

[He goes quiet again. Part of him is a little awestruck someone like him could even be capable of loving someone. Even if that someone is Shadowmaru.]

[But Wing is smart. He'd know, wouldn't he?]

You're sure? You're sure this... is what it sounds like to you? That I -- that I love him?

[It sounds so strange, even to say. The offer of comfort is extremely tempting. Though he isn't sure if it's right to ask -- or even how to ask. He wouldn't say no to cuddling, at this point, though.]

And if I don't want to? [He pauses, then tries to elaborate.] If I don't want to feel this for anyone else?

Is that wrong?

They can be stored in our sparks yes. But when removed from us, they are only data. Data records can't capture how we felt, what we were thinking as it was happening. For example, having you watch a data file of my first flight on a vid screen would not be the same as linking with me and experiencing the memory as I remember it.

Does that make sense?

[Wing also has these weird creepy dreams to contend with along with frame switching. And it's only Tuesday!]

I think it is fair Kagerou. [He smiles.]

[He likes to think he would, for certain.]

Love does come in many different varieties Kagerou, but it has certain irrefutable features. So yes, I think that's what it sounds like to me. But YOU are the one that decides that. But I will say you are definitely capable.

[Wing is a pretty keen mech, he notices the temptation.] Kagerou...do you want to come to my room? You don't have to be alone right now. I would come to you...but, I'm not that great a driver. Do you still fly, in that form?

[He smiles, but it's a bit sadly.] It's not wrong no, maybe a little sad, because you deny yourself so many things in the process, but not wrong. It's your choice.

....although: we can't always control who we fall in love with. It can be powerful force.

Yes. It does. They... must be different for us.

[Either that or he doesn't understand his precious memories as well as he's always thought.]

[Once more, he goes quiet. He's clearly trying to think this over, work it all out in his head. But there's one... very important... factor that he just can't work through on his own.]

I... believe you. If you think so. Then I believe you.

[He nods, once. Then several more times. Yes, to all those questions.]

He can fly. His flight mode is a jet. [Not "I". "He". There's probably something to be said about the disassociation there, but now is probably a bad time.] I can -- if it's all right.

[How does he explain, though? That the thought of feeling this for anyone else just seems... wrong.]

Then I'll stay like this.

[And hold on to the vain little hope he's not the only one who feels this way.]

Unsurprising, given your development was so different, but there's nothing bad about that. It's hard to know for sure though, I'm no scientist or programmer.

[It's get a little jumbled when yout hink too much baout it too. Who knows there the border between physics and metaphysics is when it comes to sparks and super AIs?]

[He smiles.] I do, but it should feel right to you too, Kagerou.

I would like that actually. It's been...a rough few days and some company that I don't have to explain this too would be nice. We flew past Vector's temple that one time, do you remember? My balcony is 3/4s of the way up and faces the rising sun. There's red streamer that hangs from it.

[Wing nods again. He knows something don't make sense until you experience them. And he also knows that explaining that each love is unique and different, might be a little beyond Kagerou currently...]

I'm not either. They never... they didn't think I needed to know anything about it, since I... since they didn't have a use for me.

[There's probably a better way to put that, but it's still a very, very bitter subject. Likely will be for some time.]

[That -- is a nice expression. He's a little thrown by the realization, even though it makes him try it for himself, in return.]

I think... I think it does.

[He nods, then.]

I remember. I can be there soon... if you're sure it's all right. [A pause.] Thank you.

[It's a tragic subject in Wing's mind, something that is unlikely to ever change.] But now you choose to learn whatever you want Kagerou. You can decide what you want you function is, and if you need knowledge to do it, you can learn.

[Wing nods, a small smile gracing his face.] Good, it should. And you can always change your mind.

Absolutely, I'd...appreciate it actually.

[Wing moves briefly to make sure the balcony doors are open--he'd already had to hastily abort one habitual attempt to leave by the balcony, something that as a grounder currently would have ended very, very badly.]

What if... I don't know what it is that I want? All I know is that I want to live. Beyond that -- beyond that, I'd never thought about it.

[Never a reason to.]

I'll be there, soon.

[And he will be. Soon as he figures out how to fly... as a jet. Everything else felt the same, as far as movement went. But flight? It's different this way.]

Well, you have to experience the world and the things in it to know what you enjoy. So just feeding your mind is a place to start. What things to you enjoy doing now?

[Never a chance you mean?]

...thank you.

Me. Experience the world...? This is as much experience as I've ever... had.

[He looks down at himself.]

Flying. That's all I can think of.

We all must start somewhere. What do you do all day? What do you find yourself thinking about?

...

Him.

[For a moment Wing has to stop and think which of his questions Kagerou is answering. He coughs once through his vents.]

[Oh...well.]

He meant a great deal to you. I understand that,

But...

He's your past.... Don't you think that might be preventing you from moving forward?

[The potential implications of his answer don't even occur to him. Wing would totally understand he meant the latter question. Right? This can't possibly lead anywhere awkward later, can it?]

Why would it do that?

[Kagerou completely underestimates the depth and breadth of Wing's imagination...]

Because if you are constantly thinking about your past, about things not currently active in your life...are you actually living your life?

The one that's happening right now?

[He could answer the question more thoroughly, but he'd rather Kagerou make the thought journey to the conclusion on his own if possible.]

[The better to cause embarrassing misunderstandings later!]

I...

But he's the reason that I have a life at all. Shouldn't... shouldn't I think about him, because of that?

[Something to look forward to!]

You can, of course, yes. But if he consumes your thoughts then you aren't really living in the present.

But...

I wanted him to be something worth living for. Someone worth living for. Doesn't that make it all right? Present or not?

You can live for another yes, especially when they are in your life. And you can live for their memory, if they are gone, or not with you.

But your life still needs to be yours. Defined by you. If you're always living in someone else's shadow, you'll never know what you can be when touched by the light.

You need to find a balance. If he means a great deal to you, let his memory inspire you to do new things here.

... That's a metaphor. Right?

[Because he's totally been standing in light while he's here.]

What if... what I want is to define my life by him?

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[Voice] -> [Video]

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