[VIDEO] [TRANSMISSION ORIGINATING FROM: SOLIAN TEMPLE] - SECOND OFFENSE

[namesnotprowl]

[For once, Barricade's video is on. Look at that full-color spikey cop car, backing up from the camera slightly. He's in his quarters, which are looking more finished than they had. Still not entirely complete, of course, but the washrack is done! FINALLY.

But today, Barricade is all-business. Or all-scientist, rather.]

This is Barricade, of TransTech-designated timestream Tyran 707.04 Delta, with test 01 of Unauthorized Upgrade 03.

I woke up yesterday and performed my usual post-recharge scan and found new equipment in my legs. Someone must have gotten hold of my designs for an upgrade to my legs that I never implimented while rebuilding them.

They have proven nonresponsive to normal activation methods but. I believe I have it figured out now.

Attempt One.

[He exvents, the sound chuffing out from the underside of his grill and... he speaks.]

Seagulls at Kmart
Are they keen bargain shoppers
or lost in the flock

[A set of thrusters rotate out of his calves, activating. He hovers about three feet above the ground for a bit... until the thrusters open up completely and he shoots straight out of shot.]

OH FRAG ME!

Thatseagullhaiku
wasflippin'hilarious
restoredorigins!

[There's a sound like thrusters shutting off... and a scream before he plummets back into shot, landing in a heap. Barricade groans.]

Conclusion: If I was meant to fly, I would have been originally formatted with wings.

Comments

[mccrane]

[...]

...

[...]

Turned...human.

[A couple of times.]

[Congratulations, you have broken McCrane.]

...

[A lot.]

...

There...must. There must be clues. [A whole lot.] Can you, ah...remember anything out of the ordinary?

[namesnotprowl]

Yep. And I'll have you know I was an excessively handsome meatsack, too~

[The looks on folks' faces when he tells them these things are always priceless. He wishes he could get photos and keep them forever.]

Nothin' particularly odd, lately; just the usual assortment of weird. [He taps his claws against his cheek plating in thought.] Must've been something, though, unless someone's been in my processor again - in which case I need to find and harm them - because I didn't give the plans f'r these thrusters out... hrm.

Ah.

[mccrane]

I...wouldn't know.

[Is that blushing? It might be. He'd never even considered the possibility of experiencing the world through the eyes of a human, or how other robots might look like if they were. Now, he's thinking on it. This is generally bad.]

...you had the plans for them already?

[He caught that 'ah!' That means something, right?]

[namesnotprowl]

Are you blushing?
... that's so cute~

And I did, yes. There was an... incident and I had t'replace my legs. Worked up a few alternate designs for additions. Never used these ones, though.

Ended up re-drawing them on this piece of paper I found lying on some of my construction materials.

[mccrane]

I'm not. Of course I'm not, robots cannot blush. [Nor is he thinking about being the same size as Seia, nor is he imagining anything at all. Nothing.]

Did you re-draw them recently? [It's a long-shot, but maybe someone got hold of them...]

[namesnotprowl]

All right, all right. Whatever you say~ [He's going to go ahead and let McCrane deny it all he likes. He's not actually here to embarrass him right now.]

I did. Still have it though, so someone would have to've done extremely quick work to install them.

[mccrane]

[No, now he has to know.] Can Cybertronians blush?

[Because that would be fascinating.]

[Still, not as fascinating as the mystery of those thrusters.] They'd have also needed access to your frame. Is there anyone who would have had that access?

[namesnotprowl]

Think a few timestreams can. Mine c'n fake it by overheating our facial plating.

[They can approximate more human emotions than they probably should.]

No. My proximity sensors would've picked them up even if they'd gotten into my quarters. And my Lensmeter never would've been able to lift the equipment to install it.

[mccrane]

That sounds painful. [He can't understand why you'd want to fake it, either.]

Could someone have taken you offline without you noticing? [Because McCrane doesn't want to think that 'magic' is the only explanation here! It isn't! It can't be!]

[namesnotprowl]

Not anymore painful than a human blushing. My kind vent heat a lot better than others. [All those gaps in their plating made for surprising efficient cooling.]

I'd know if I came out of a stasis lock. And being offline is being dead for us. [There was a reason most of them called it 'offlined' until they got to Earth. Much as he hates the thought of it being 'it's magic' as the explanation.]

[mccrane]

Do you blush normally, then? [Well, since they're on the subject...]

...

[That's new vocabulary for him. He adds it to the list.] What you are saying, then, is that there is no possible way you were upgraded.

[Except for the fact that you were.]

[namesnotprowl]

Not typically, but I'm difficult t'fluster like that, myself.

Unless I'm missing the last three days, no. And I'm not finding a gap between my memory and internal chrono that suggest that.

None of my usual suspects f'r things like this are here. [Which makes figuring this out difficult at best.]

[mccrane]

Then what does make you blush?

[McCrane intends on asking the difficult questions tonight.]

You aren't the only one whom I've noticed having difficulties lately. I will talk to the others if I get the chance, and see if they noticed anything odd.

[namesnotprowl]

That'd take all the fun out of trying to get me to, wouldn't it?

[Don't worry McCrane, Barricade will just treat it coyly.]

All right. I'll see what I c'n get about the changes off the network, start making a list. See if I can find any connections.

[mccrane]

I'll try my best. [He's so serious.]

If you can think about what you were doing the day before the upgrades, that may also help. Let me know if you run across anything important. [Without thinking, he gives a salute.] I will do the same.

[namesnotprowl]

I don't doubt you will.

... I ain't been saluted in a long time. [Or ever.] But I'll get back t'you if I find anything.

[mccrane]

[His hand pauses, and then lowers.] Habit. [He has a tendency to be formal when he isn't watched closely and occasionally dragged off to parties.]

I trust you.

[namesnotprowl]

Formal type? Mm, I hope you're not a stick in the mud. [He's got a special place in his spark for sticks in the mud. Specifically, a special place in his spark for annoying them.]

... Don't hear that every day either. I'll try not to abuse it.

[mccrane]

No, I'm too proactive for that. [He claims to be a pacifist, but you should see how often he shoots first and asks questions later. Still, annoy away, Barricade!]

I know you won't.

[But we can wrap this up here~]