re_alignment | [Voice] Trying Too Hard

Entry tags:

✘ dead space | vandal

[Voice] Trying Too Hard

So that's it then. Everything is back to "normal". As normal as this place gets and we're all left a little more fucked up than when we started.

Let's talk, humans, bears, Autobots, Decepticons. We're all people stuck here. Some of us want to be here, some of us don't...

But.

I just want to hear something good.

It doesn't matter if we're friends or not. But I'd like to hear from you.

Have you made friends here?

Would you rather go home or stay? If you want to go home, what is it there that you miss?

What makes you happy?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Only because she cares.]

Is it your job to sort it out? You do what you can, you're not expected to have a magic fix-it button.

What you need to do, is be there. Be supportive. The people you care about? Let them know you care. That you want to help. And do it gently. They'll come to you when they need something.

I'm not really sure what that's called.

I should know what I'm feeling. [And right now it's just....a mess.]

What does it say that I don't even know how to do that, Vandal?

[A frustrated sigh.] Karrie. You know you can, if you need something, right?

A lot of people don't know what they're feeling... maybe you should take a step back?

I mean, I'm not the expert on feelings either. Anyone who says they are is either lying or selling something.

... I know. But that goes the other way, too? You've been through a lot these last few days. What do you need?

[A nod. ] That's what I'm planning.

I don't know what I need. Other than to stop hurting people. [Which is harder than it sounds. ]

Maybe you wanna take some leisure time with me? We could go somewhere nice and quiet.

It's. Kinda hard trying to imagine you hurting someone.

Except spiders. You can hurt every spider.

But really- what happened?

[A hesitation. He'd been planning on going away. Just...alone. But if he had to be there with someone, better Vandal than anyone. ]

If you have the time.

[He laughs.] You should ask Perceptor. Or Starscream. I can hurt things, believe me.

....or Wing.

Vandal. I got turned into a girl. I couldn't protect you from Wing. And there's already so much wrong with that sentence.

I have nothing but time now, Drift. We can go somewhere and get hammered and do whatever.

[She just looks confused.]

I thought Percy liked you? And look- Starscream isn't exactly the friendly-mc-friendship guy or anything.

... What could you have possibly done to hurt Wing? He's like. In love with you.

[Huff.]

Look, for the record? Nothing wrong with being a girl. I'm a girl. And that was-

Look nobody guy hurt from it, so there's nothing to feel bad about? We all made it out intact.

I could make it up to you, at any rate, you having to take care of me, you know, before.

[Because he was the worst human ever. ]

I meant they knew me before. During the war. They've all seen what I can do.

Vandal. I got Wing killed.

People got hurt, Vandal. First Aid. [A wince at the memory. He'd threatened to kill Ratchet for it.] And there are other ways to hurt someone than a weapon.

It's not like you need to make it up. I liked spending time with you like that.

[Ah...]

Well if that's true then I'm no better, remember?

... What happened to First Aid?

[Everything had looked like monsters to her.]

Vandal. You stormed after me screaming halfway through the Junk Pile. [He was not an easy charge, just admit it. And all the petals. ]

I wasn't saying who was better or worse. Just that I can--and have--hurt a lot of mechs.

[He shakes his head.] It was bad. I'm glad you didn't see it.

Well. You did something stupid. But it doesn't ruin the rest of it. I liked. Eating peaches with you.

[That sounds weird.]

But you don't want to... you don't try to. You're a good guy.

[Well that worries her.]

Oh god... no wonder he seemed so bothered. Fuck...

I liked the peaches, too. [Mostly, though he won't admit it, sitting on her lap and watching her laugh. ]

But, [A chuff of air.] I think that's the problem. I mean, how important is whether or not you intend to do something or could control it?

[He looks away. ] I'd imagine so. He doesn't want to talk to me about it.

I should teach you that song about the peaches... [There's a song about everything.]

Well, as long as you try, really honestly try, and I think you do. We all make mistakes, Drift. It's just how we handle it after that matters.

Hmm... yeah he didn't say anything to me, either. I'm going to see him later, though.

I'd offer to teach you one of our songs but...well...they're a little inappropriate. [The only ones he remembers are Decepticon drinking songs and, yeah. Not about happy messages of loving what you've got or peaches.]

Vandal. I just. I don't know what I could even say to Wing. Or anyone. [But mostly Wing. He had trusted you with what happened to him, Vandal, not Wing. Next time you wonder how he feels about you, think about that.]

Oh. He...didn't want to talk to me. [No real surprise there. Drift was terrible at that kind of thing. Still he's a little stung.] I should let you go. Do that.

Uh, Drift. I don't really have an issue with inappropriate. I'd love to hear a Cybertronian song.

[She shifts, shaking her head.] Well, you don't know really until you talk to him. You love him, right? Isn't that all that matters?

I've got plenty of time to talk to you, Drift. You know it's miles between the temples. Besides, I don't even know if he'll say anything to me. He probably doesn't want to, which is fine.

I... guess I kind of have a bad habit of forcing my company on people, don't I?

I only know Decepticon songs. [They're a bit heavy in the propaganda.] If you want to hear Cybertronian ones, you should ask Wing.

[And there it is, that name, between them again. He frowns. ]

No, Vandal. It's not that easy. [Nothing ever is.]

I could give you a ride? I'd wait outside. [He's got the message: First Aid doesn't want to talk to him. ]

It's not a bad habit, Vandal. [And here he does manage a grin. Not much of one.]

I'd take Decepticon songs... why do you always try to shove me at other people? Wing and Perceptor? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like them both. They're fantastic-

But you know. Sometimes I just want to talk to you?

Is it not? I guess talking rarely is, but that shouldn't stop you.

[She shakes her head.] Thanks, but I think I've got it. I'll accept a ride later though. Remember? You and me. Vacation. You're gonna drive and maybe do donuts for me.

[She chuckles.] Wow that's the first smile I've seen from you in a long damn time.

I do not!

...do I?

[...probably.] Look, it's just. This whole thing with Wing. You know how he, uh, was. [Yeah, he's going to skip over the highlight reel, if you don't mind.]

Everyone's saying that it was all not him. These pages. But I have been like that. No magic or pages or anything involved. And if that could happen to Wing, based on some...stupid drawing, it could happen to me.

[In other words, he wants you safe even if that means 'the hell away from Drift'. ]

[He shakes it off, to a slightly cockier smile.] I've never really taken you driving if all you think I can do is donuts. [He is viewing this as a challenge.]

You do.

And Drift? I can handle myself. I don't care what you were, or what some stupid page could make you do. You're my friend, my best friend. And honestly? It would hurt me more to not be able to be around you than anything you could do to me. I used the "L" word, Drift. It's been.

[Pause.] Six years since I've said that to anyone. May not be much for you guys, but it's a damn long time for a human. I don't think you grasp the seriousness of it.

... Oh? Have you been holding out on me, then? So bring it. I bet you can't make me scream.

[He'll, uh, take your word for it?]

I know you can. But.

[But, he's going to shut up now. For a minute. Maybe longer.]

Karrie. [A quiet laugh, almost bitter.] I've never said it to anyone. I couldn't even type it to Wing. [So if we're fighting the loserwars? Drift wins.]

I just...[know I'm not going to win this argument.]

[He bows his head.] I'll try to live up to the honor.

[But in the meantime.] What happens if I can?

[She shakes her head.]

You'll get there. And that wasn't my point. I'm not trying to out-do you. I'm saying that there's a lot of weight in that, so don't push me away. Or say I'm better off with someone else. I said I love you and I mean it. I only have one bestie and that's you.

All you have to do for me is just be yourself. Your whole self. The bad, the good, s'what makes you you.

[A shrug and a wry smile.] Then I'll be very impressed and maybe next time you'll get a 'get-out-of-tickles-free' card or something.

All right.

I just....[Because you know he has to try and argue...] I just want you to be happy.

[Which always sounds so simple but it's a lot harder to make happen.]

...I thought a can of peaches would fix that.

You want me to be happy? You work on finding some happiness yourself. And you know. Let me tag along and pester you.

[Smile.]

I'm all outta' peaches. And you can't even eat them now.

[Well, he can't really resist that.]

All right. But you don't pester me.

[Except when you're, you know, verbally wrapping him around your little finger which how the hell do you do that anyway?]

I thought they would be, you know, a diversionary tactic. Throw them and run the other way.

If you're sure of it.

[She laughs and wags a finger at him.]

Hmm, I think making you laugh is better than peaches, Flopsy.

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