re_alignment | [Voice]

Entry tags:

✘ dead space | vandal

[Voice]

Hey guys, just a heads up.

I'm heading back home for a day, since the medical needs have come to a decent trickle, I am in desperate need of a decent night's sleep.

If anyone needs me, comm me or leave a message... or say it now. Because I am going to pass the fuck out for the next day or so.

[Private to Drift/Wing]

Can I... talk to you guys? Do you have a minute? I mean separately. Privately.

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Yeah...

I um. Drift? I.

I got something to say to you.

[The smile fades to something like curiosity.]

...everything all right?

No-

Well I mean yeah. But not-

Look Drift.

I. Have. Some. Some emotions. They're uh. They're feelings. And you know I love you. A lot.

But. Sometimes.

Sometimes feelings. They're complicated. And I-

I may be just slightly...

In love with you.

......

[Hoooo boy.]

Karrie.

You could do so much better.

Look don't. Don't give me that. Okay.

I feel how I feel. You and Wing. And I know you don't-

Look I know you're happy and I don't want to come between that. But you can't say 'you could do better'. Not this time. Nuh-uh. It's fine. I know there's not a snowball's chance in hell you'd be remotely interested and that's-

That's fine. I've come to terms with it. I'm not someone from your past. I'm not a robot. I've got literally nothing to offer.

I just... I don't know. It's been eating at me, okay? I just wanted to get it out.

[There's a long pause and his face goes through about a dozen facial expressions.]

You don't come between anything.

I mean...why would you think that? We, uh, we include you whenever you want, whenever you ask. [Is that too much? Not enough?]

....don't say that. You've got far more to offer--this place and anyone--than me.

I appreciate that, but there's a difference you know?

Romantic love? And I've sat and agonized over it long enough-

I know you don't feel that way for me and that's okay too. I just. Wanted to say something before I go even crazier.

Van--Karrie.

I just don't...I don't know how to do that. Any of it. With anyone. [Even with Wing he's a flailing ignoramus.]

I don't want to hurt you by doing it wrong.

...crazier?

Drift if you're gonna reject me just do it outright, okay? Please?

All you have to do is say Karrie, I don't love you and that'll be that and I can just...

I don't know.

[All Drift is thinking right now is that Wing would handle this better. Which is all the more reason she could do better.]

I can't say that, Karrie.

Because I don't know.

How do you not know? What, have you even thought of it before?

[ No, she's probably not being fair, but she had herself all prepared to be rebuffed thoroughly. ]

Pretty much.

Karrie. I've been...I've had wrong thoughts for four million years. Trust me. You've had more experience with this.

[If he were any more honest, he'd be in physical pain.]

I don't understand. You love Wing. You obviously have something going on with Perce'. Or. Feelings or whatever.

Where does that leave me? I mean, look, if you've never even considered it, doesn't that say enough?

[Drift probably looks a bit like a trapped animal right now.]

Karrie. I want everyone. To be happy.

[A soft sound, like a sob.]

It's just....it's a mess. It's my fault, all of it.

I know you do-

And god damn it, it's not your fault. I'm sorry but, man-up, Drift. Just listen to me okay? Can you just listen?

I'm just saying. Yeah. I'm in love with you and your boyfriend. I'm sorry. It's a stupid selfish thing of me to say, but I can't change the way I feel. You're not expected to do anything. You don't have to make me "happy". You can't fake that sort of thing.

Either you feel the same way, which I doubt. But who am I to tell you anything. That would be great-

Or you don't. And that's... yeah okay. I'll suffer some heartbreak but it wouldn't be the first time and I can deal with it.

[He frowns. Ouch. He's trying to be considerate, not a coward. ]

Karrie. I don't know. I just...don't. I'm sorry that that's not one of the choices you gave, but I'm not going to lie.

_{You should be with Wing.}

With W-

Where the fuck did you get that from?! Do you just. Are you fuckin' crazy? It started with you, damn it! And after all I did to

Just- just acknowledge my feelings at least! This isn't about you- well I mean it's "about" you obviously but I Just-

Yeah. Okay. Never mind. Just. Forget I said anything. We can just go back to the way things were and I'll.

I'll just deal.

_{....I thought I did. When you first told me. When we were out by the lake.}

[He guesses not. ]

Karrie. I

Just...

.....I'm sorry I can't be what you want.

That was... that was a different kind of love. This is- this is the kind where I want to be intimate and-

Yeah. Okay. That's what I thought.

I knew I never had a chance. At least it's out in the open.

Should have never said anything.

I didn't even know there were two different kinds.

[He pauses, trying almost desperately to think of something to say, but every word he utters just seems to make things worse.]

I'm...

[He sighs, helpless.]

All right. I-if that's what you want.

Just- just don't talk to me.

[ She hangs up, and feels like she just kicked a puppy (her puppy), and her chances of ever having anyone right down the hole. DJ Vandal. ]

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[Voice]

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