re_alignment | [Voice]

Entry tags:

✘ dead space | vandal

[Voice]

Hey guys, just a heads up.

I'm heading back home for a day, since the medical needs have come to a decent trickle, I am in desperate need of a decent night's sleep.

If anyone needs me, comm me or leave a message... or say it now. Because I am going to pass the fuck out for the next day or so.

[Private to Drift/Wing]

Can I... talk to you guys? Do you have a minute? I mean separately. Privately.

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[ You can stare she doesn't mind you staring. ]

I-

Oh. Um. Well. I- haha. I hadn't thought about that? Actually? But I mean. I wouldn't be remotely. Opposed. I mean yes, I do. Want. That.

[ Honestly she had really only been thinking in the kissing, affection, holding hands and cuddling business but that definitely sounds nice... ]

Yeah. I just... ah. I feel like I screwed everything up.

Thank you, Wing.

[Well good because he does. Or least he takes a good look.]

You hadn't? Well...it kind of comes with the territory. Often, anyway. I...would like to find a way to please you Karrie.

[ Well that intimacy too but yeah, Wing means a more advanced level. Seems he'll have to have a talk with Drift soon.]

It's a thing that happens between people. I'll talk with him, though you shouldn't hesitate to do it yourself when you're feeling able.

I-

Look honey. You and Drift both have this thing about... pleasing me or making me happy or whatever. But there's one thing you can't force-

And it's that. If that-

If it is. A thing. I want it to be genuine, not because someone is doing me a favor to placate me.

[ She looks off to the left, briefly distracted. ]

Yeah I just... I don't know. I never thought it would go so badly. I guess I told myself I was ready for rejection but not on...

Not like that.

Oh, [He stifles a gusty laugh.] I meant that in a more, um, literal physical sense.

[He's trying really hard not be lewd here Vandal.]

And, I've never be anything other than genuine with you Karrie. If I do this, it's because I want it to.

[He's realizing how true that is the more he thinks about it.]

I... do you want to tell me what happened?

Uh- OH! Oh. Yeah gotcha. Hah...hah.

[ AWKWARDDDDDD. ]

Alright. I just. You know. Don't want to be anybody's pity fuck.

[ She winces. ]

Uh. He told me I could "do better". The uh. Good old. "It's not you it's me."

[He nods. Yeeeeeaahh.]

...pity fuck? [Oops he said fuck. B| ] I--Sorry--I understand the meaning, but I don't know that I fully understand the negative connotation to it?

[Because people liking you enough to want to make you happy is...bad?]

...unless it's just that you don't want to be pitied regardless?

[But then he twitches, because this part it all too familiar.]

Er....yeah. That's. A thing that he does. Pushing people away. Admittedly, there are times I wonder...[his voice goes quiet]...if he wants me at all.

It means... when you sleep with someone to please or placate them, but you aren't actually in love with or attracted to them in that way. Not to be mistaken for friends with benefits, that's different. And yeah, I don't really want pity to begin with.

[ She sighs. ]

Yeah well he doesn't seem to have a problem making out with your or macking on Percy at least.

[ She winces, that sounds bitter. ]

I can certainly see why placation would leave a bad taste in one's mouth. [His face smooths into stark earnestness.] I'd never be ingenuine about my affections. Karrie I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it.

I just...can't make any promises yet.

[He still needs to speak with Drift about it, and sort the rest of this out.]

Well yes, but--[.......wait huh?]

[His head turns slowly. So slowly you can even hear the mechanisms churning until he stops to look sidelong at you.]

...Percy?

I know. It's just-

Yeah... you. Didn't know? To be honest I thought you guys all had a thing. Which makes it extra awkward because I wouldn't mind cozying up with Percy, either. But yeah. Walked up one day when Perce and I went shooting and they were kissing.

Kind of weird but... I-

He. Didn't. Say anything? To you?

[Well this conversation sure took a turn for the stunningly unexpected.]

I...

We...

.....what?

[Not to mention awkward.]

Um. No. He didn't.

I've spoken to Perceptor here and there but we aren't otherwise involved.

[yeah. AWWWWWWKARD.]

....when did this happen?

[Explanation, there had to be one around somewhere, right?]

Oh...

A while ago?

Um...

[That's not exactly helpful. His lips purse together nervously.]

Was it... before Drift went spider hunting in the Badlands?

I don't really remember honestly.

[He sags visibly, the tension not so much leaving his frame as just redistributing itself, as he grows tired of holding it.]

[He rubs the crest of his helm, several silent moments passing.]

I trust him.

I do. If it was before he made a commitment to me then there's no obligation to tell me.

[But.]

I just wish I'd known... [Did he have a right to know, to want to know?] I hope I haven't made things difficult or strange for Perceptor.

[And OH. Should he have been so sparkset on that commitment? Drift had seemed uncertain, but because he kept saying Wing could do better. What if...]

[He shakes his head.]

Oh...

[ Well she looks visibly shaken even more so now. ]

[He lets out a little, high-pitched laugh.] It's kinda funny, we had the whole conversation, and I was trying so hard to validate and bring us together and he was all concerned about stopping me from being with other people...

[He puts a hand over his eyes and tilts his head back, another irony laced laugh slipping out before he can stop it.]

I suppose it's just as well because I never told him about Blurr. Which, wasn't even really me, or Blurr for that matter. And well we barely talk anymore now...

[He bites his lip and shakes his head, venting several times, trying to get a hold of himself. Over-reacting to this wasn't going to do anyone any good.]

Ah-haaaaa, I'm really sorry. You don't need to hear any of this. I shouldn't drag you into. I'm sorry you had to stumble upon it.

Yeah look.

The best thing in any relationship? Is honesty. Just. My take on things. A little honesty goes a long way.

It is. I know.

[He sighs.]

The whole thing with Blurr was during all that trouble with the pages. I really just want it all behind me.

[He shakes his head, it's already done so much damage.]

Do I have a right to demand the truth from Drift? What if it was before we made a dedication?

All I can say is what I'd want, and I like thinks to be all out in the open.

I can't speak for what is best for you.

Thank you. I can certainly respect that.

[He's not certain he knows. Normally these things are clearer for him, but things are far more complicated than usual and sometimes his bond with Drift feels so fragile.]

And it's not right to expect you to. I'm sorry, I'm mostly just thinking out loud now.

S'alright, Wing. Just. Try not to worry...

[He makes for a deep sigh, and it's more the kind that sheds worry rather than feeds it.]

I won't. I--sorry that got a little out of control there. I do trust him. And in the grand scheme of things it's a small thing. I'm fine with most everything as long as we're open about it. And I won't worry over the small stuff.

[He smiles.] I don't want you to worry either.

If you're really okay with that, I guess.

[ She frets a bit. ]

Ah yeah. Anyways. I'll be... fine.

I am.

[He hears you fretting!]

Drift has a dedication to me that is wholly separate from this, and goes way beyond it in many ways. It'd be...insulting almost, to doubt it. I know that he would never knowingly hurt me.

[He says it with a rather profound but humble certainty, like someone given a gift that has a great responsibility attached.)

I know what 'fine' means Karrie. But I know things don't go from fine to good in the flicker of an optic so I let you rest.

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