re_alignment | [Video]

Entry tags:

✘ dead space | vandal

[Video]

[ Oh look! It's the lady in the suit. She sounds pissed. ]

Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on? Something heavy fell on my head in the medbay storage room, knocked me the hell out and I don't know how fucking long I've even been passed out under a pile of boxes.

The hell is even going on here?!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Wing has been wondering what you'd been up to, apparently the only part of "busy in medbay" that's true is the medbay part.]

Vandal, are you okay?!

There, um, was an earthquake a while back... [Is that normal for humans to be out that long?]

Uh. Okayish. Other than FUCKING BUGS. I need you and Drift here on bug patrol like. Pronto.

No thank you om the bugs, you guys can have my helping.

Maybe you just wanna come hide in this closet with me?

Bugs? You aren't fond of them I take it?

I've had a fair share already, they are not very friendly. But they do have nice soft underbelly that carves up well.

[Ooops TMI?]

Well maybe one of us can, um, protect you in the closet while the other patrols the outside? I vote Drift for the former job. [Since you know, he was summoned first.]

Oh god Wing that is the grossest thing you have ever said. Oh god ew ew ew. At least it's about killing them, though. I bet you're covered in bug guts. OH GOD I JUST MADE MYSELF GAG.

[ Whimper. ]

I'd prefer if you were both here I want as many swords in my arsenal as possible and between you two that's like.

Six.

Ten if you use your head-fins.

[Wow Vandal really doesn't like bugs.]

I. Um. I'll shower before I come over?

[Not that he's messy now, but if it'll make Vandal feel better...]

They're really just constructs of chaos, it's not like they're real bugs. [Right? But maybe that makes them more gross?]

...ten? That's giving my helm a whole lot of credit.

Oh thank you.

Constructs of- That's even worse! They're super bugs. Ew ew ew!

I stand by my numbers.

Well okay then.

[He'll just head to the washracks then. And well, if you're going to be trapped in a closet with people--especially these particular people--maybe it's a good idea to smell good.]

Not so super they don't fall fast enough under our blades. Don't worry, you'll have your white knights to protect you.

[A chuff or laughter.] I have spikier protrusions than that. [shrek] If you count them all then it's at least...ten, eleven more!

I-

Oh. Wow. Wing.

[ EYEBROW. ]

You guys make it really hard to not have a huge gross crush on you both, I hope you realize this.

Humor is the staple of.

Of everything.

What?

Is that too many for you?

Hiding in the closet with me a little less appealing now?

[Wing would say 'mission accomplished' except she hasn't actually laughed yet.]

Or maybe it's more appealing?

[Orbital ridge wiggle.]

Yes, that it is.

Oh my god.

[ Wow definitely not turning red. Nope. ]

Yeah I'm gonna have to go with the latter.

[Stop saying that Vandal, your 'god' sucks.]

But what if I poke you by accident?

You know, with all my...pokey bits.

[Okay it's getting childish now but he doesn't even care. As long as Vandal isn't thinking about bugs.]

[Also, have an innocent look.]

That's it. I am dead. I have died, officially. Bury me with my whiskey and vintage copies of Popular Mechanics.

I'm done.

Fatality. Wing wings. K.O.

Tell Drift he's a big cute goober for me.

But you can't be dead, we're supposed to be protecting you!

[MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.]

But.

Oh.

I bet I could poke both you and Drift at the same time. I mean. I'm well equipped in the...pokey bits area.

[Really just turning in place would do the trick. But well. What were we talking about again?]

You're gonna put somebody's fucking eye out.

Not if we're careful. I've been doing this a long time Vandal. I can keep track of all my...extremities.

[Suddenly there's the sound of running water and the spray of cleanser. Vandal probably hadn't notice the scenery changing but it's obvious Wing's reached the washracks. He's just hoping Drift is on his way to medbay while Wing keeps Vandal calm.]

Now do you mind? Or are you going to watch?

[Because this is just like one of those shower scenes from those humans movies right?]

I' sure y-

ACK! [ She makes an aborted attempt to cover her eyes, half wanting to not look out of habit and half of her that- yeah. ]

WING!

[A burst of laughter: he can only play it straight for so long.]

Vandal. It's not like I'm actually getting naked. That's way different for us remember?

I mean, unless you...?

[Look at how accommodating he is!]

I know, I know! It's just- just the implications!

[ Flail. ]

Unless I what?!

[Wing would be lying if he said he wasn't counting on that.]

[He just snickers behind his hand. At this point he's put the communicator down out of reach of the water.]

...unless you want me to?

W...

Well not on the network!

Oh. Well I learned something new today. Apparently Vandal wouldn't mind a showertime show. You and Drift have that in common.

[Though Drift always insists on audience participation.]

That's what frequency locks are for.

[He's kidding.]

[Mostly.]

If I were bigger I'd give you the what-for, you know.

Oh really? In the middle of bug-crisis, huh?

When has that ever stopped you?

[Seriously. The size of your lungs seem to be all that matters Vandal. ~~Thank goodness she hasn't taken up the habit of tugging on the audials yet.~~]

[But uh-oh, he's losing ground, we're back to bugs.]

Well. Maybe. If it'll get your mind off unpleasant things.

[He's mostly just making a show of getting--innocently mind you--clean. Panned out the way the video is, it's pretty obvious he's not covered in bug guts anyway. At least Vandal can rest easy now, which was the whole point to start with.]

Fair enough. Maybe I should give you a portion of Drift's punishment.

[ Give it time, Wing. ]

Gosh how generous of you. I guess it's only a taboo for humans.

.....which would be?

[He can guess though, judging by the look on his face. Vandal, you're not supposed to make those threats until he's already there in your presence and can't get away. Now he'll just stall in the wash racks longer.]

[Have a smile.] Maybe it's just the lengths I'll go to for you...

[Video]

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/halo

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tmw you've forgotten to hit submit for like two days

I have done this too many times before

sobs