re_alignment | [Video]

[ Well look who it is, transmitting directly from her sickbed. She has a nice wrap of bandages around her head, covering what would have been her right eye. She frowns at the camera, at least she's looking more alert and rested. ]

Okay, motherfuckers. If my calendar is correct, it's only a few days 'till Christmas.

I know a couple of us humans and even some bots are helping decorate and that's fucking awesome but we need some damn festivities.

I need some volunteers for caroling. Obviously I'm not going to be able to go running around so you guys have to be willing to come to me so I can teach you some songs.

Drift, Wing, Perceptor. I expect you three to do it. If you don't I'll be pissed. Soundwave, I don't really imagine I have to threaten you to participate. Anyone else is welcome and encouraged.

[ Somebody's trying very hard to look and sound like everything is fine. Stiff upper lip. ]

Hey, Firstforged? I want some snow. Never really seen it up close and personal, but you can't convince me one of you can't whip up some industrial-sized snow-maker device. I believe in you.

I hope you all have been good while I was gone. Santa Claus is coming and all of that good stuff.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What's Santa Claus? Is it certain doom?

... Well that depends.

So we're doomed.

[Sigh.]

Well have you been naughty or nice?

Uhhhh... what counts as naughty?

[Is eating people naughty? Because if so he's fragged.]

I dunno. Depends on what he thinks. He works in mysterious ways. Just don't get caught outside, make sure you lock all your doors. He comes but once a year but once is enough.

[ DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. ]

So... He'll kill me?

[WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?]

Death would be a mercy, dude.

...If he doesn't kill you, what does he do?

[Oh no.]

Are dead humans in danger too?

Look just don't be on the naughty list.

Dead humans?

But I'm probably already on it. What does he do?

Yeah. You know... A ghost. With a body here.

You don't wanna know.

[ Oh this is almost too mean. }

Wh...? No, uh. I imagine ghosts would be safe.

I want to know.

[Wing droop.]

Please.

...You're 100% certain?

[ Sigh. ]

[LOCKED]

You get a lump of coal.

[ She's just not as mean spirited anymore... ]

I'm just teasing.

[YOU AREN'T FOOLING HIM. The coal is clearly a trap.]

What does the coal do? Rip you limb from limb? Slowly dissect you? Saw your armor off in bits?

No. It's just coal.

And it's a story told to children. Don't worry.

[His optics narrow.]

So it's a bomb.

Did I say it was a bomb?

No... You said it was worse than death. Just want to make sure I can leave a nice corpse since whatever it does will probably kill me. Even if it's not supposed to.

Dude.

I LIED.

Or you could be lying now.

Why would I?

Why would you lie before?

To have a bit of fun scaring a naive robot.

It sounds worse when I say it out loud.

You think death is fun?

(no subject)

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