re_alignment | [Voice]

Entry tags:

✘ dead space | vandal

[Voice]

So guys? Uh. Look. Two out of three of you are aware, but.

I guess while there's not some huge disaster going on we could talk about. Stuff?

I kind of have a thing. For all three of you. Surpriiiiise Percy... And uh. Look I know I kinda flipped out last time, but I'm starting to feel better and I'd like to discuss it.

I kinda got into this thinking all of you were an item, but I realized I was mistaken. That. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm really kind of into you all in a big way.

I just wanna know if I'm barking up the wrong tree or... yeah.

And before any of you say it, I don't wanna 'do better'. Can't change how I feel.

God fucking damn I'm so awkward.

I just wanna talk about it, I'm not saying you have to... do anything or make me happy or whatever, I just.

Haha, I guess I don't know what I want. I just want to get it out there, because it's been the elephant in the room for me for a while, you know?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You don't fail at it, ever, Wing. Just be...you. That's more than enough. You've never failed. At anything.

[At least to Drift.]

[He blinks, but then there's a soft smile, clearly touched by the unconditional acceptance in the light of so many recent events.]

Drift...

...but I still stumble and fall... I still lose my way and have to go in search of answers. And I know I've let you down...

[He knows that some of his ways require the pedestal he's placed on in life, but he also knows he cannot occupy it all of the time.]

I want to be there to catch you, then, when you stumble. [It's probably a stupid metaphor, but the blue intensity of his optics make it at least sincere.]

[He sighs. ] Wing. I don't want to be jealous. But I want..I guess I'm weak. I need some...something. Some assurance that, I don't know. I'm.._special .

[He looks away, at the ceiling, the ground, anywhere other than Wing's face, feeling so petty and childish that it almost burns.]

[A trembling smile, because stupid metaphor or not, it's more than he dare ask for but clearly what he needs.] _{...even if end up hurting you in the process?}

[It's certainly not weak. In fact it's welcome because it's a need Drift has that Wing will gladly meet.]

Drift.

...where are you?

[This isn't something for the Link though, no.]

Edited 2013-01-06 07:23 (UTC)

Been hurt before. Always healed. [It's a terrible joke, but the core is true: he can handle being hurt, better than he can handle Wing shutting him out.]

...my room. Why?

Hopefully it won't have to be that way. [There's always been something in Drift's stoicism that Wing's both envied and admired.] I'm sorry though...I always feel bad about putting my burdens on others. Especially those with plenty of their own.

[A smile, warm, like a gift offered.] Because wanting reassurance isn't weak.

It's wise.

Can I come see you? Please?

Wing. It's not a burden to be trusted by you. [The words could be more elegant, he thinks, but he means it.]

..if you want?

[Well he hadn't thought about it that way. It gets a pleased if slightly embarrassed grin out of him, you might even call it a touch flustered.]

Yes, very much.

[Wing doesn't waste much time. One day he'll shock Drift and actually use the door, with a knock even, but as long as he knows he's expected he'll make use of the window.]

[Drift doesn't get trusted with many things: he'd find it a rare treasure.]

[He twitches, startled at the sudden rap on his door. He figures it's Wing, but still, he's not entirely ready. He looks a bit flustered as he opens the door.]

.....hey.

[It's almost like a prelude, because Wing has something to say that he hasn't trusted with anyone...]

[He beams as the door opens, a reaction so genuine he can't stop it (nor would he want to really) though does ratchet it back a bit: there's serious business to attend to here.]

Hi. Are you ah...everything okay?

[The grin is infectious, putting Drift's concerns aside. ]

Fine. Well. As fine as I can be. After messing everything up for Vandal. [Yay?]

[That's what Wing likes to see. He reaches out and offers a hug in greeting as he enters.]

Hey, really, it was a joint effort on all our parts. It'll get sorted.

[Drift doesn't hug back immediately, just...taking Wing's hug for a long moment, leaning against the jet's chassis.]

Well, there's nothing I can do right now, at any rate. [Best to just let it settle, he thinks. At least he won't make it worse.]

So. Uh.

[It's not a rebuff, but it's not warmth either. It's a sad reminder of all that's happened, and Wing can't entirely blame him.]

No, give it some time.

[He shifts back, not wanting to crowd Drift, but close enough that his sincerity can be felt through his EM field if the other wishes. He wants more, almost desperately, but wants to let Drift come to him.]

Drift I... I came here because I wanted to tell you something. Shall we sit?

[He waves a hand.] I could just say you how special you are to me but that wouldn't capture how profoundly it's true. Actions speak louder, the rarer the better. [A brief smile that hints at...things.] I have other thoughts on that but for now, to start, a bit of a story, as it were...

[It's not even that: It's Drift just needing to be held for a moment.]

[He gives Wing a puzzled look, stepping back, his hands trailing down Wing's arms.]

....all right?

[Wing certainly hopes and plans to do more, in the coming moments then. He reaches out, craving contact, not just for touch but also a small bit of continued affirmation for them both. He begins with a quiet voice...]

I've told no one this before. Because it's sacred to me, in a way. But I think it's time I shared it with you.

[There's a nervous edge that creeps into his EM field. As good as he feels about it, he imagines some would not understand and he fears Drift will be one of them.]

You might not understand why right away... So please, just listen and hear me out.

In the first few months we were here, I was involved with someone else...

[He curls his hand around Wing's as the jet begins to speak, honored to be trusted. But his hand stiffens, and then pulls away, and then he stands up, pushing Wing away from him, tense, moving toward the window, staring out. He doesn't want Wing to see his face, the storm of emotions on it.]

[He hadn't even given Drift a chance first. More than that, he hadn't even been honest. Drift's hands curl now, into claws over the window's ledge. ]

....continue.

[Wing knew that this would be the hardest part. He cringes at Drift's reaction, a wince of pain he can't help but feel like he deserves. but for being so closed about it...]

[He reaches out, following Drift to the window but stopping short.] Drift please, it's not exactly what you're thinking. And I don't want to hurt you. [Quite the opposite, Wing just hopes the message is strong enough. Because Drift had always had a chance, the first chance, the one Wing had always wanted to give his spark to.]

[But there was someone to which Wing had desperately wanted to give his faith.]

...it was Vector.

Vector? Vector?! [Oh, really not his favorite mech right now. Not after his recent meeting with him. ]

I can see why you didn't tell me. [There's no way Drift could ever measure up.]

[Wing knew it would not be well received, yet still he twitches at the height of Drift's voice. His voice is quiet he speaks.]

I had a feeling you wouldn't approve. Even if it was before...

[The jet's cooling system cycles, air passing roughly through his vents.]

There's an old custom between airframes, a method of aerial interfacing. It's not like standard interfacing. It's...a communion of sorts, a linking of flight systems. It's...indescribable. I've only experienced it a few times in my life...[It's a difficult thing to go into detail on, and he's not certain Drift would want, or benefit from it anyway.]

I needed to know him Drift. I needed to feel certain I could trust him...

[Flying with the Firstforged burned away the fog and reminded him that despite names and titles and myths and theologies, that in his spark the core of his beliefs were the same as Vector's. And more than that, it answered without doubt the question of trust.]

I have no place approving or not.

[Not that Wing gave him the option.]

And now.

[All he wanted to do was feel special. He'd thought Wing had come here to tell him he was. Instead, all he was hearing was something he could never even compete with.]

I realize that's...a lot to take in. [A lot to be measured against.]

Drift look at me, please?

[Wing reaches out, imploring, wishing he could cup the silver face in his hands, wanting to meet those blue optics even if they're cold, hoping Drift will feel the warmth and sincerity in his field.]

As amazing as all that is Drift...I gave it up to be with you.

And I'd do it again.

[His gold optics flicker with a clash of emotions, fear and love fighting for dominance.]

That's how special you are to me.

[It is a lot to take in, for a lot of reasons. Especially when he's had it thrown in his face that he dared kiss someone and here's Wing admitting to interfacing with someone else.]

[It tastes like hypocrisy.]

How. [He shakes his head, trying to clear his thinking.] How do you think I'm supposed to react to this? [Because he has no clue. He feels angry and betrayed and not trusted and insignificant.] How is this supposed to make me feel-- ['better' he almost says, but he bites back the word, because obviously this isn't about him. Or how he feels.]

[That may be so, but it's not Wing's hypocrisy. Wing, who until today hadn't known the details of Drift and Perceptor's relations. Not the extent of it nor when. Wing, who'd trusted Drift enough to never question or make issue of it.]

[He falters, giving in to his fear.]

I thought that...knowing you're more important to me would mean...^something. [Anything, at least. Clearly not.]

[He sags, as if a hope that had been keeping him afloat has evaporated out from under him.]

Drift...

I've always chosen you, wanted you, loved you. Even when you kept turning me away. Even when you said I could have others... And I chose to have none.

It's always been you.

[His face twitches, the fear seeping through the cracks, fear that he's broken something wonderful. That in the end, his life had always been the greatest thing he had given Drift. And that his love would never match it. He wants to look away, but he keeps Drift's gaze instead, optic shutters blinking rapidly.]

'Always'?

Apparently not 'always' if you interfaced with Vector. For..months as you said. Apparently there was at least a little crack in that 'always' when you didn't tell me until now.

[He knows he sounds angry, but he can't help it. It's not the relationship so much, other than he couldn't compete with Vector and he can't do what Vector did--whatever that was, and Wing spent a LOT of time with the First Forged...alone. It was not being told. And unlike Perceptor, he hadn't been hard to find.]

[He turns, leaning his hips against the window frame, arms folded over his chassis.]

Anyone else I should know about while it's 'always' been me?

Edited 2013-01-10 18:28 (UTC)

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