re_alignment | audio;

[But he was happy. He'd been happy, in Shadowmaru's wake. Even while wanting more -- wanting to be more. He'd never wanted it at his partner's expense. He doesn't know how to explain that -- how he'd wanted to be more and yet remain a shadow at the same time.]

... Being his shadow was never the issue. Never the... stick. I liked that. I was happy with that.

[That much at least, he knows he has to say. If only because of how that Other had handled things. The rest is too muddled for even himself to understand. And it's his own feelings.]

There are none like me, though. Are there. No prototypes. I'm different than all of you, aren't I.

[Because no matter how much he's felt he's been accepted, no matter how many times Power Joe shakes him or how often he remembers what Gunmax did for him... it won't ever change that. Maybe he'd begun to accept it, before. To actually find a new purpose among them, and beside Kay, but now...]

[Now everything is different. And maybe wrong.]

I don't want to relate to that one. I don't want to feel like he did! All his memories... they're twisted! They're wrong! He hated him so much -- He k...

[His voice breaks into static and he can't finish the word.]

Never in my life have I ever wanted to forget my memories. And now I have these... now they're part of me...

[And he doesn't know what to do.]

Edited 2013-11-24 03:06 (UTC)

[Deckard hears him out, and it confirms what Shadowmaru had always said as well.]

I know you were happy, and I'm glad. I am. I meant after that, since that hadn't been intended to last. Once Shadowmaru's development was finished.

[The prototype comment gets a look of confusion, though.]

...I was a prototype. Not directly for a single other person, but . . . [He shrugs.] I don't think that makes you different. You were built to test systems that were finalized in Shadowmaru, and you trained him, but I don't believe that separates you from him or the rest of us. I was built on a number of ideas that hadn't been employed that way before, if at all, though not everything about me had never been seen before at all. The Build Team was designed on some of the same ideas and some different ones. Drill Boy was designed on the other Build Team members but with a twist or two. Shadowmaru was designed on your engineering, which threw some new ideas into the basic design that went into me and the original Build Team. Gunmax is another who was built on new ideas not incorporated into the rest of us. In some ways, he's as different from us as you. He doesn't even have another mode he can change into, instead having to rely even more heavily on his support vehicle than I ever have mine or Duke his. And Duke? We were all prototypes for him in some respects. He was engineered with elements drawn from all of us.

There are far too few of our kind yet. I can count every Super A.I. in existence past or present to date. There have been barely more than a dozen of us. We're all different, we have elements that make us unique from one another . . . but I don't believe that you are so far removed from the group of us. Not anymore than Shadowmaru, or Gunmax, or me. The difference isn't you, it's in how they treated you, I think. We were built for a single intended purpose and left in that. You were built for one purpose, then were going to be moved to something else. That doesn't make you different.

[He's not discarding or belittling Kagerou's belief on the matter or about himself. It's just that he disagrees and is quietly explaining why. He doesn't intend to argue the matter, just stating his view and hoping it will help ease an apparent concern.]

[He tilts his head down at the last. He wishes he has answers. He doesn't.]

I don't fully know how to answer that. I'm sorry. The only thing I can liken it too - poorly, I know - is like . . . like having been raped, I think. Something violent and deeply personal and violating and leaves scars. Honestly, I'd say to . . . well, ah, see a therapist . . . except that I don't know that there are any in this place.

What I can offer . . . I can help you built more memories, better ones. They won't replace what you have now, in that they won't erase them . . . but with time, they'll help crowd them out, I think. They'll lose their strength and their hold, and they'll start to hurt less. Don't dwell in those memories, don't live in them. Get out and about. With me, with McCrane, with Power Joe, with any other friends you have here.

I know about Gunmax.

[His voice sharpens, but the words remain steady and flat. He doesn't mean to cut in. But... it feels like more assumptions. It's not the same thing. Maybe they had prototypes or something like that, but. No. He's pretty sure Gunmax wouldn't have liked being compared to the "shinewbie".]

[Even if the memory flickers a vague smirk at the corners of his mouth, briefly.]

[He shakes his head again.]

None of that is the same. None of you were like us. There was nothing, beyond him. Beyond where we lived. He was all I had -- my entire life. I l...

[Another hitch in his voice. He forces himself to calm, to say the words as if reciting them.]

I wanted to live. For him. Because of him. Which... was more than I was meant to be.

I'm different than all of you. It was... fine. For a while. It was all right. Now it's... now it's changed.

[He falls silent again. Rung was here. Rung tried to help. And he'd trusted the Autobot so much... With so much. If another showed up, he's not even sure if he could start over.]

[His head tilts back, staring up at the sky.]

My memories... can't fade. Not that way.

[Not after the deal he made with Trion.]

[He didn't mean it in a negative way at all. Though, yes, he'd probably have gotten an earful, at best, had the biker cop been here to hear that. The rest? It's a difference of experience, it's situational, the experiences were nothing the same, but that doesn't separate the individuals themselves so much in his mind. But . . . it's not worth it to him to continue to discuss that point and risk alienating Kagerou over it. The ninjabot believes it as strongly as Deckard believes otherwise. Just so long as he doesn't separate himself and cut people off here and now. Deckard silently agrees to disagree and moves on.]

Will you tell me what's changed? And why the memories can't fade?

[He's not questioning the validity. It's just that, with no background, with no story behind them, the statements are essentially meaningless to him. He wants to understand.]

[And there's an equally uncomfortable topic. He doesn't advertise it. He hates discussing it. With the current attitude towards the FirstForged being what it is...]

[But if Gunmax and Power Joe hadn't insulted him for it -- beyond the usual, anyway -- maybe he's being paranoid.]

[He shrugs, at first. One hand shifts, unconsciously covering the Glyph on his arm.]

It's complicated.

[Kagerou might or might not think about it for it to occur to him, but Deckard's not been here long enough to have an opinion on the FirstForged himself, so there's that at least? And Deckard's not one to insult anyone, for any reason.]

[He nods at the comment.]

I don't doubt that. Will you try, though? I want to understand. I want to help. I just don't know enough to do either.

[There's another lengthy silence. He stares st the distance ahead, in complete quiet. In stillness. Even his wings don't twitch.]

... I made a deal. A bargain. With one of them.

For the sake of Kay, and my memories.

Edited 2013-11-25 07:55 (UTC)

[Deckard is nothing if not patient. He'll give Kagerou all the time he needs to collect his thoughts, waiting in similar, still silence.]

[He's not sure he likes the answer, hoping whatever the agreement is, it's not something negative. He's careful to keep his tone neutral, though.]

I've met Kay. She seems like a sweet girl.

["And so deeply upset over what had happened to you"...he'll keep that to himself for now, wanting to keep the conversation focused. But it /is/ something he notes, that whatever Kagerou agreed to, he did it at least in part for her.]

What kind of bargain, and with whom?

Edited 2013-11-25 08:38 (UTC)

She's the most important thing I have, in this place. I promised her -- I promised I would never leave her. She'll never leave me.

... She is my family. I'd do anything for her.

[Which was a large part of the reason he even agreed to make the bargain with Trion at all.]

[His hand tightens on his glyph. Squeezes hard enough that metal creaks.]

Alpha Trion keeps my memories safe. Gives me... ways to protect Kay. Protect others I care for. And I...

[Another long hesitation. It honestly doesn't seem as if he's going to finish speaking at all.]

... Do whatever it is he asks of me.

((ooc: Tardy tag is V late for work. 9,9 Sorry this took so long!!))

[At the words, Deckard goes very still, keeping his gaze locked on the lake to help hide his shock. There's so much in those few words.]

[When he'd spoken to Kay, hearing from her the relationship she has with Kagerou, it'd made Deckard wonder if Kagerou had . . . in a sense . . . imprinted on Kay, just like he had essentially imprinted on Yuuta. He'd always been meant to work with a human partner, a...handler of sorts. He'd always wondered if that part of his programming had been imparted on any of the others. It'd been a moot point with the other Braves as they'd always had Yuuta, just as he did, so he'd never asked any of them.]

[Is Kay Kagerou's "Yuuta"? ...even if not, exactly, they're close, deeply close. That much is obvious, and Deckard honors that.]

[Which brings him to the rest. To Alpha Trion. Deckard knows he'd do just about anything for Yuuta. Would he...essentially enslave himself, though? To protect Yuuta?]

[...yes. He would.]

[Deckard's optics dim as he tucks his head a bit, dealing with all of that and everything associated. But then he sits backa again, shoulders square as he glances at Kagerou.]

I see. He's not abused you in that, has he? What kind of person is he?

[There's more, much more, he wants to ask, but he'll start with those. But . . . one, he has to make sure Kagerou's okay - that's his first priority - and two...it's something to consider. For himself.]

[He'd give much for the assurance that he could protect others that he cares for as well. His team and those dear to them especially.]

[He actually looks up sharply, at that, both scanner and optic flashing, just for a moment.]

What...? No?

[He sounds, and looks, openly confused at the question. Had the Brave Police leader been digging through his personal posts? Or the network in general?]

I don't... entirely trust him. But more than I do the others. For what sense that makes.

He's made a lot of errors. Hasn't lived up to his side... but he's better than the rest.

[Better than the one who freed criminals -- monsters like Overlord. Or the one who'd let that thing loose in their temple to prey on others.]

Hm? No what?

[He's a bit confused too, at that. He has admittedly done no small amount of digging through the network, though it was primarily for learning about this alien planet he's found himself on - the archives from Blurr were invaluable in that respect. Anything target-specific has centered on criminal cases past and present, such as Tarn, that spindly Starscream, and someone named Overlord whom he's glad is no longer here. As tempting as it may have been, he's.../not/...dug into anything regarding Kagerou or the rest of the team. It felt wrong, like spying on them.]

That . . . makes sense, yes. I think.

Best choice of a number of evils, then, so to speak? Or...however that saying goes.

At least the errors tell us they're not perfect. They're . . . imperfect beings.

[Like us.]

Edited 2013-12-04 00:03 (UTC)

No, he's never done anything to harm me. Why would you think that?

[Maybe because you're bad at explaining these things, Kagerou. But it doesn't occur to him. He just stares, waiting.]

[Then shrugs again, hunching his shoulders, and gathering his knees to his chest again. He's still not sure how he feels about Alpha Trion. Even though he's been given the chance to make something familiar here, to be important enough to create life. To really, finally, be able to do something to truly protect Kay...]

[... he has no idea what he should think.]

I suppose so.

But they aren't supposed to be imperfect. They're some kind of... god. That's what the Cybertronians always said.

[Deckard pauses, then sighs softly, shaking his head. His tone is patient and even.]

I don't, necessarily. Kagerou . . . I'm a detective. It's part of my job to try to see both sides of anything, to not assume but also not rule out anything until I have reason to. I am glad to hear he's not hurt you, though.

Has he ever asked you to do anything you didn't want to, though? Something out of character for you? And what . . .

. . . what is it you're able to do in return? What is it he's granted you? If I may ask.

[He grunts softly at the last.]

They could be wrong about that, too, remember. Just because they're more powerful than Cybertronians doesn't mean they're deities, even if that's how they want to be seen.

[He's not wholly ruling it out, honestly - he still remembers how...rather /deific/ Prima had seemed - but he's not ready to just accept it without question either.]

I just don't see why you would even think...

[He trails off, shaking his head in dismissal. Never mind it.]

No. He hasn't. He just asks me to keep notes. To watch. Observe. I don't have to spy or anything.

... I know languages. I remember things more clearly. Better. I have an assistant. And... I can create a life. When I wish to.

[He's got to speak with Kay about that, actually. It was going to be her project, too. And then they'd learn -- they'd learn the fighting together.]

I trust those who told me, though. They would know best.

((ooc: Okay, now that time- and brain-eating RL stuff is finally over with, I should be able to tag regularly again. 9,9 Any thoughts or particular want for where to head with this thread?))

[He starts to clarify, to reiterate, that he /doesn't/, but...Kagerou seems to let it go, so he does as well. He nods at the rest . . . until the comment about creating life comes up. That makes him visible startle, optics brightening for an instant.]

Wait, life? Really? That's . . . impressive. How? ...if I may ask. I understand if you can't or don't want to tell me.

[He wouldn't really anyway, continue the discussion about the First-Forged being gods or not - he wouldn't want to seem to insult Kagerou's friends by doing so - but the comment about life keeps him from really even registering it.]

Yes.

[He shifts a bit, his chin still resting on his folded arms. It sounds bizarre, to hear it said aloud. But it was what he was told...]

I write it down. Describe it. And... then take it to him.

[Then things happen with a book that he's not even sure he completely understands. Maybe it will make more sense when he sees it happen.]

((ooc: hey whatever~ I'm just kind of letting it happen how it happens! c:))

((ooc: 'kay! Enjoying this too much to let it go yet, but didn't want to seem like dragging it out or something. =3))

...I see. You come up with the idea, and he . . . ah . . . builds it?

[Since this is a world of mechanicals, he supposes that makes sense . . . assuming what Kagerou comes up with a form of robot, of course. If it's flesh and blood . . . huh, well, anyway . . . that's not really - for now, at least - what he truly wants to focus on. He shifts as though to stand.]

Walk with me?

[He's wondering if getting Kagerou up and moving - and not all curled up on himself - would prove beneficial. If the ninjabot doesn't move, though, he won't make him, just resettling. Either way, he'll ask-]

Will you tell me more about Alpha Trion? What he's like and what he does here?

[There's no suspicion in his tone - he's honestly curious. One, he's Kagerou's patron. Two . . . he may try approaching the being himself regarding ways to protect his loved ones.]

I think so. More or less.

[He's not sure exactly how Trion was going to do it. Or if he's supposed to say anything at all. Maybe it was supposed to be a secret.]

[He doesn't answer at first. His head is pressed firmly to his arms, optic fixed straight ahead. It doesn't seem as if he's going to answer for a while.]

Right.

[And then he's slowly levering himself to his feet, his damaged wings hanging limply from his back.]

He handles knowledge. Knowing things -- archives. Data. Information. He's... distant. Absentminded. Dangerous, because of that.

[Deckard waits patiently, and then is just starting to settle again when Kagerou finally starts moving. He'll stand, then offer a hand if the ninjabot wants it. If not, that's fine too. He frowns at the wings, concerned.]

Should probably let Barricade or someone see to your injuries.

[He'll head for the lake for now, though. Kagerou's apparently not overly bothered –or he's doing an excellent job of hiding it –so Deckard won't press. Were it one of his other teammates, he would, without a doubt, but he doesn't know the ninjabot well enough yet. And for now, the calm quiet will probably do him more good anyway.]

Dangerous because he's absentminded? How so?

[He folds them flat. Well, as flat as they'll go, given the damage. He shakes his head a little.]

I'll manage. I can still fly.

[Which is the important thing. He'll have someone look at them, later. When he feels more up to facing people. Now he wants nothing more than to withdraw, to be a shadow again. There's safety in it...]

[But he can follow, easily enough.]

His absentmindedness caused problems before. It changed people before... twisted things we wanted.

[... he'd spent a long time wearing Shadowmaru's frame, as a result. Even been tempted to keep it with him, afterward. Not something he's proud of, these days.]

. . . Alpha Trion has the power to change people if he doesn't maintain his attention?

[That does /not/ make him comfortable, to be honest...]

It... mm.

[He quiets, shoulders hunching in thought. His teeth dig into his lower lip, unconsciously.]

[How does he explain this...]

He didn't pay attention to where the pages of an important book were going. They were lost. Those who found them... wrote on them.

And were changed.

…a magical book of some kind?

[Surprisingly, perhaps, there's no skepticism in his tone, just a note of uncertainty regarding if he's understanding correctly. He has, after all, faced a sorcerer before –it was one of his earliest cases, before even the Build Team had been formed; it was his very first time achieving his J-Decker form –so he's well aware that magic is real. ~~Those damned bats had certainly been real enough.~~ He nods.]

[He looks at Kagerou for a moment, tempted to ask if he was one of the affected and what happened…but it's none of his business, so he refrains.]

So what is it you're able to do to protect Kay better?

Something like that.

[He's not really sure how to elaborate on that. Or if he's even allowed to. Trion hadn't been very specific on that point.]

[He shifts a bit, arms folding around himself again. As if cold.]

We were supposed to be learning a way to fight. Something... only the old ones -- the Cybertronians -- knew.

[But then the whole Pillar thing had happened.]

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