[Audio] Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in Liege's temple.

[my_own_trope]

[Guess who just woke up from his 3-month coma? Furthermore, guess whose body managed to finagle itself out of prison where it was seen last?
If you guessed this sleeping beauty, you're at least not wrong. Sorry about that, Haven, this asshole is back.
Don't worry, there was plenty of screaming involved; both upon waking, and then directed at nearby furniture and the sky in general.]

[The Audio opens with Starscream sounding like he's just run a marathon.]

Someone tell me what blasted day it is!


------------
[Locked to TFP Megatron]

My Lord...?

------------
[Locked to TFP Shockwave]

Do you still live?

------------
[Locked to TFP Knock Out]

I think it's about time we had a talk. [And now he sounds mad]

Comments

[redshirtrobot]

The Predacons were new recruits but you weren't in charge of developing them. Because they were a science project.

The same as the zombies should have been so they didn't eat the whole crew.

[my_own_trope]

[> Predacons
> *Shiver*]

The Predacons were a failed experiment!

[redshirtrobot]

It didn't seem very "failed" to me. Of course I never saw it in person.

[Since it, y'know, was a giant dragon and hadn't turned into not a giant dragon yet.]

[my_own_trope]

Then count yourself lucky!

Not even the "brilliant" Shockwave foresaw how colossal a failure his beast was.

[Starscream, for the record, would love to point out that he'd totally called it.]

[redshirtrobot]

Did it explode or something?
Did it get infected by your zombie plague too?

[Because he could see that happening. Their luck is completely and utterly terrible after all.]

It also turned out to be sentient. God. What a disaster.

[my_own_trope]

If ONLY it had exploded.

Instead it named itself and then turned traitor.

That's what you get for hitting your dog, it stands up and tells you off.

[redshirtrobot]

Well... that's not so bad, actually.

[Hey he's happy for anyone that manages to successfully get out of the system anymore. A+ giant scary prehistoric fire-breathing monster. A+.]

If it had exploded we'd probably all be dead.

THAT'S NOT HOW EVOLUTION WORKS

[my_own_trope]

You're sounding more and more like an Autobot sympathiser.

Predaking's betrayal cost us the lot of Shockwave's research AND all of the assets allotted to that doomed project.

IT IS WHEN YOU'RE A GIANT ROBOT

[redshirtrobot]

[You're not far off base, Starscream.]

With what happened with your doomed project? I'm more concerned with cutting our losses than some stunning victory.
You know, that whole 'live to fight another day' thing.

So yeah, Predaking leaving is preferable to Predaking exploding.

GDI

[my_own_trope]

It wasn't doomed! If Knock Out had only done as instructed...Never mind!

Predaking exploding at least would have let us salvage the rest of our science lab.

GJ, MAN, GJ

[redshirtrobot]

Nothing with Dark Energon ever goes well. I thought we all figured that out during that whole thing where the ship spontaneously gained sentience and immediately put everyone in stasis lock.

Why would he destroy the science lab?

RIGHT BACK ATCHA WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A SENTIENT SHIP?? SENTIENCE IS THE WORST

[my_own_trope]

The ship did what now?

IT TOTALLY WAS THEN. SENTIENT SHIPS ARE THE WORST

[redshirtrobot]

Oh yeah, that was after you abandoned the Decepticon Cause.

Lord Megatron put Dark Energon into the ship to repair it faster. Instead it spontaneously gained sentience and put everyone in stasis lock. I heard the Autobots' humans saved us all from being stuck like that.

I feel like the theme here is: MACHINES SHOULD NOT BE SELF-AWARE. ONLY BAD THINGS HAPPEN AFTER

[my_own_trope]

You're joking.

The irony is that it's two machines talking to each other

[redshirtrobot]

Would anyone honestly make a joke like that?

In a millennium-long war because one machine noticed it was being left out and got jealous

[my_own_trope]

You're right. It sounds too stupid to be made-up.

Ugh.

I'd TOLD Lord Megatron to leave Dark Energon alone. What did the humans want anyway?

So the entire canon is basically SENTIENT MACHINES ARE BAD

[redshirtrobot]

You told him to leave it alone so you played with it instead.

The Iacon Archives. There were a bunch of relics and the ship decoded a few entries. So the humans copied the database and then saved our tailpipes, so... fair trade I guess.

Only when they have feelings. (Since robots are apparently really sensitive)

[my_own_trope]

It's not like I was aware it granted inanimate objects sapience! Nowhere was that in any of the logs!

[No big surprise Megatron didn't have folders upon folders documenting his bad decisions.]

By "ship" did you mean "Soundwave?"

And they all seem to have those. (Silly oversensitive robots.)

[redshirtrobot]

No, I mean the ship. Soundwave had been having trouble decoding it but once the ship became self-aware it decoded like... four entries instantly.

Megatron was apparently pretty happy about it until the ship decided it was in charge.

You would all be happier as toasters, silly robots. I lobotise you because I love you

[my_own_trope]

Soundwave, anything but perfect and bested by a ship? Well, well. Do wonders never cease?

What else did I miss?

It's all for the greater good, robots

[redshirtrobot]

A lot of running around trying to find artifacts and stuff. Airachnid killed Breakdown and that crazy human stuck himself in the corpse. Oh, and those dirty Insecticons showed up.

And I heard a bunch of clones of you tried to killed Megatron.

Shh, just close your eyes. It'll be over soon, robots

[my_own_trope]

And in the end it was I who came out on top with the keys. You'd all have done better if you'd asked me to return sooner.

Well you know what they say about clones.

You'll thank us later, robots

[redshirtrobot]

We didn't ask you, you just kind of showed up with all the keys that kid Smokescreen made off with.

... they're exact duplicates of the original with all of the original's motivations?

You're welcome in advance, robots

[my_own_trope]

Not just those keys. ALL the keys. And that's the problem isn't it? If you'd only asked earlier, I could have provided results earlier.

You've obviously heard wrong. Clones are insane, maladjusted, and entirely unpredictable.

[redshirtrobot]

We weren't going to ask you because you betrayed the Decepticons. You should know how Megatron feels about traitors. You're lucky he didn't hang your corpse off the bow of the ship as a warning.

Uh-huh. Sure.

[Just keep telling yourself that, man. That those clones were absolutely nothing like you.]