[Video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[Doctor Leg Ambulon is, well, ambling about momentarily before the video, as if finishing off some organizing. After everything's tidy, he turns and faces the video, and of course looks touchy as usual. However, his tone lacks any sort of irritation.]

In light of some recent events as well as shared curiosity in general [lookin' at you, 4], it's come to my attention that if I'm going to offer my medical skills to the residents of this primordial Cybertron, I should, perhaps, know how to treat all of them. That is to say, organic and non-technological in design. [He looks at something in his hand, touches at his optics, almost in the same fashion you would to push up glasses.]

Now, I've gathered some information regarding the human lifeforms here - basics, mostly, and your common rituals, mostly in terms of hygiene and daily regimes [eating, sleeping, etc]. However, my database lacks information in regards to your components - your organs, if you will - and common illnesses and damage the humanoid body can contract and tolerate, and to which extent the body can withstand before it shuts down or malfunctions.

Any basic first aide would be wonderful. I'm sure my colleagues before me have also compiled data they would like to share.

You need not worry about releasing anything I'd imagine some humans deem as private and not entirely a topic of easy socializing. [He's talking about the birds and the bees and everything in between, okay.] That I understand... somewhat. So, that may remain a topic for another time. Mostly, I'm curious as to your basic anatomy, how your body functions, and what to do in emergencies if one or another of these functions should fail.

My query also applies to those who are not human, but are not Cybertronian.

Also, earlier I chanced by someone who told me about the courting ritual of humans. Apparently the "male" knocks the "female" out unconscious and drags her back to his lair by her "hair", and then after some "wine" and "steak", the female consumes the male's head to feed it to her offspring? ... Yeah, I don't know what they were thinking either.

Comments

[whirljack]

[whirlybird_of_prey]

You're just trying to get him alone so you can unleash your tentacles.

I'm onto you.

8] gfdhjsgdghf PERFECT

[vandalization]

CURSE YOU, WHIRL! I'M FOILED AGAIN!

[whirlybird_of_prey]

Hey. Just vidtape it for me. I could use a sidebusiness.

[Ambulon xeno tentacle porn? Admit it. You need this in your life.]

[vandalization]

I'll be sure to.

[whirlybird_of_prey]

I'll cut you in on any commisions. [Eat your spark out, Swindle: Whirl's going into the pronz bidness.]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[just...
just.]

[whirlybird_of_prey]

[What? He's trying to make you a star, Ambulon. What better testimony of friendship do you fraggin' want?]

[vandalization]

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<font face-"Courier">Lucky me. By the way, how's your ass feeling?

[whirlybird_of_prey]

You are lucky I'm so open-minded.

Why you so interested in my aft?

[This some kind of reverse casting couch thing? Because Whirl thinks it's supposed to work the other way around.]

[vandalization]

You're truly an example to us all, Whirl.

Well you did get shot in it?

[whirlybird_of_prey]

You know it.

[He may or may not be preening at that entirely sincere compliment you just gave him.]

I got shot in it for you. [He took a bullet for you, Vandal. You owe him tentacle porn.]

[vandalization]

Gee.

Thanks.

[whirlybird_of_prey]

I'd let you check it all out yourself, but, you know....tentacles.

[vandalization]

Yeah. Sorry, man. Gotta watch out for them.

[whirlybird_of_prey]

I know when I'm around you just can't control yourself.

[He has that affect on...whatever you are.]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

Ah. With the way you two banter, are you both, perhaps...? Well, you know. [crosses index fingers into an 'x' what does that even mean Ambulon.]

[DATING, THAT'S WHAT.]

I'm not judging, if you are. I mean, in nature, this isn't an uncommon phenomenon, given the right conditions and variables. You know [INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIPS].

[whirlybird_of_prey]

Yeah, sorry, no. I'm not into tentacles.

Though you gotta admit, she's pretty crazy about me. [It's so obvious.]

whirljack is a beautiful name for you

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

If complications arise where I am attacked by their tentacles, you will be the first I notify for help, Whirl, naturally [you dork].

[whirlybird_of_prey]

You trying to be sarcastic? [Keep practicing.] Listen. [Harrumph.] Time's going to come you're going to need someone to bail your paint-peely aft out of the smelter.

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[DON'T MOCK HIS PAINTJOB HE'S SENSITIVE] Maybe, but let's just hope that never happens.

[whirlybird_of_prey]

[Whirl isn't mocking. Honestly, he wants to pin you down and slooooooowly peel some of those flaky bits off you.]

You really want to bet you have that kind of luck?

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[WHIRL, I]

I have a feeling if I did, something would happen and I'd have to pay up. [Like someone "accidentally" dropping a piano on top of him.]

[whirlybird_of_prey]

[You're cute when you're speechless.]

That's how it works. I save your aft, you owe me. It's in the Autobot Code. Somewhere. [He fell asleep during it. Boring. But he did master how to sleep with his optic on.]

[Whirl has all the important life skills.]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[oh my god sleep with his optic on I--!!]

Yes, but I'm saying, if we made a bet on it, then I think I'd only jinx my luck. [And plus making a bet with Whirl sounds terrible.]

[whirlybird_of_prey]

[That's right, Ambulon. You'll never know if he's listening to you or having happy creepy dreams about you.]

So don't bet. Just keep me on speed dial. [Because Whirl is so looking forward to it.]