[Video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[Doctor Leg Ambulon is, well, ambling about momentarily before the video, as if finishing off some organizing. After everything's tidy, he turns and faces the video, and of course looks touchy as usual. However, his tone lacks any sort of irritation.]

In light of some recent events as well as shared curiosity in general [lookin' at you, 4], it's come to my attention that if I'm going to offer my medical skills to the residents of this primordial Cybertron, I should, perhaps, know how to treat all of them. That is to say, organic and non-technological in design. [He looks at something in his hand, touches at his optics, almost in the same fashion you would to push up glasses.]

Now, I've gathered some information regarding the human lifeforms here - basics, mostly, and your common rituals, mostly in terms of hygiene and daily regimes [eating, sleeping, etc]. However, my database lacks information in regards to your components - your organs, if you will - and common illnesses and damage the humanoid body can contract and tolerate, and to which extent the body can withstand before it shuts down or malfunctions.

Any basic first aide would be wonderful. I'm sure my colleagues before me have also compiled data they would like to share.

You need not worry about releasing anything I'd imagine some humans deem as private and not entirely a topic of easy socializing. [He's talking about the birds and the bees and everything in between, okay.] That I understand... somewhat. So, that may remain a topic for another time. Mostly, I'm curious as to your basic anatomy, how your body functions, and what to do in emergencies if one or another of these functions should fail.

My query also applies to those who are not human, but are not Cybertronian.

Also, earlier I chanced by someone who told me about the courting ritual of humans. Apparently the "male" knocks the "female" out unconscious and drags her back to his lair by her "hair", and then after some "wine" and "steak", the female consumes the male's head to feed it to her offspring? ... Yeah, I don't know what they were thinking either.

Comments

audio

[murphyslaw]

Hnnnnzzz, fleshybot courting sound a lot like spiderbot's...

[ Which is more than a little terrifying. ]

[video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[Have him staring at you. Or, you know, your voice.] That is... quite horrifying. I just assumed it was a joke or slip-up.

[Video]

[kingofthetvworld]

[That... that last part. That mental image is going to haunt him for a very long time.]

Why would somebody say that?

[Video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

I'm assuming they got their species mixed up. Apparently there's an insectnoid called a mantis on the human world, so maybe they just thought it was the same, given human.

Still, quite the error nonetheless.

[Video]

[littlecrowgirl]

[Just like Teddie, the last part gets to her the most.]

What freak-o told you that?

[Video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[BLANK STARE] I forgot about them the moment they told me that, to be frank.

[vandalization]

I could offer you some very basic information. I'm no doctor, but I'm definitely a human the last time I checked. Took health class in college and everything!





... Also who the fuck told you something like that?

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

Any useful information would be great. The organs interest me the most, and which play the most vital role to your human system and oh, let's try not to think about them anymore.

[raceme]

...

I might be mistaken but I don't believe that last information about human courting is all that accurate.
Female's don't have a mouth big enough to do that either.

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

No, I don't believe this either. I found it amusing, however, though perhaps I shouldn't humor the mentally unstable.

[video]

[whirlybird_of_prey]

Wait. You're going to believe that? But not acid-spitting humans?

When a human told me that one?

[YOU WOUND HIM, Ambulon.]

[video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[CRY MORE]

I don't believe what they said was true. I know there was a mix-up, though. It took me a bit of research, but apparently something in their statement was true. It's just not humans who do the entire "decapitate male's head, feed to offspring" ritual.

And who told you this acid-spitting story? That way I know who to avoid for advice in case they try to trick me, too. [Acid spitting? RIOT.]

Text;

[heuristical]

That information is a lie. Human mating rituals are complex, but the method is decidedly not.

[Don't ask how he knows this.]

[video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

From what I've gathered it is, indeed, very different from what is considered normal procreation activities.

[oh you sly boots]

VIDEO;

[engrishdetective]

Hey, dating is dating. That courtship crap is complete bull.

I can upload my basic first aid data to any database you might have. Nothing detailed like surgery, but I had to learn this crap when I was in the Highway Patrol.

Re: VIDEO;

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

Figured it was such. Though "crap" is a new word to my vocabulary.

And, of course, I welcome any information you have to share.

[Text]

[4_toteachus]

[Now all of this piques Four's interest.]

I imagine that my information on the human body is out-of-date compared to other people's, but I would be happy to help out if I can.

As for courting rituals... I'm quite certain that that isn't accurate in the slightest. Or if it is, it's not part of a human culture I know of. I think someone was just trying to trick you.

I could be wrong, I'm not human after all.

[video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

I'm also interested in your biology and physiology as well. If it can be useful for future medical encounters. Not that any of us would want that, but it's refreshing to know if you're wounded, someone has an idea what to do instead of just stare at you and pray to Primus or whatever.

[Video]

[aerospacecommander]

Judging from what I've seen of humans while on Earth, I'm sure there are some out there who actually do that.

[Video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

Well, we have such monstrosities as sparkeaters, so there's probably a human equivalent to that.

[organ_pharming]

[This is his not amused face. So- his normal face.]

Ambulon. I see you're very busy wasting your time.

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[Don't you give me that look.] How is it "wasting time"? I mean, collecting data on organics and aliens to increase my medical skills sounds like a sound, logical, smart thing to do. You know, in case they need help. [HURM] Though you've been known to question the type of patients I take in, so I shouldn't be surprised.

[schrodingersbot]

[Have a perky red scientist, Ambulon.]

Greetings! I have spent several decades upon Earth and have amassed a significant database of human and biological lifeform medical information. I would be quite pleased to share what I know with you.

[Perceptor looks a little hesitant, for a moment, as he holds up a single digit in an almost warding manner, though.]

Wherever it was that you received your information about human mating and courting rituals, I, ah, can definitively state that it is incorrect. I believe that someone may have been, as they say, "having you on".

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

I'd be much obliged for any information or data you could share.

The thing is, I'm not sure if they were trying to fool me, or if they legitimately thought that is how human mating rituals proceeded. This will continue to boggle my CPU more than the actual theory.

[video]

[glacius_passio]

I'm hoping to avoid needing repairs as much as possible, but I guess I could give you my specs. I can at least give you basic information about my systems just in case something does happen.

[video]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

If you feel you're uncomfortable sharing valuable information, I understand. But I'll take anything I can get, even if it never does come in handy. Really, despite it being my job, I'm quite content not running into constant patients to treat.

voice;

[docbot]

[ And of course Ratchet's opinion is in complete opposition to Pharma's, do to their entirely different natures. He's been nodding approvingly as he reads this post, pleased that someone else has noted the dearth of information on care for organics, and it shows in his tone of voice when he replies. ]

I agree that compiling data on medical standards for humans and, ah, other organics (where you fit in, Teddie?) would be a good idea. I've got some data from the time I spent on earth, but perhaps we could meet and put our heads together sometime? Certainly I'd enjoy having a second opinion on some of my suppositions.

[A beat, then he smirks.]

And I'm sure you've been told already, but human courting rituals aren't nearly as barbaric as you've described. Someone's been having you on.

[audio]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

Ah, yes. I was considering speaking to you in regards to the knowledge you've gathered. We should meet up, yes; I'm sure we can eliminate any errors or fill in any blanks upon exchanging our data.

[annoyed grumble] A lot of people have been pulling my leg lately.

[No, he's not aware of what he just said.]

[lifepersists]

[ Unlike Pharma, First Aid thinks this is a great idea!! He's kind of got some crusted human blood on him too, so uh. Obviously he's had a recent brush with this. ]

I... had to do my best.

[ Really, that is an awkward thing to say. ]

Ambulon, would you like to compile research together?

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

[... He'll take your word for it.]

Right - Yes, I'd be open to that. I'm sure you've collected a wealth of information. [If experience says anything.] Still working at Ratchet's clinic, are you?