re_alignment | [Voice] Trying Too Hard

Entry tags:

✘ dead space | vandal

[Voice] Trying Too Hard

So that's it then. Everything is back to "normal". As normal as this place gets and we're all left a little more fucked up than when we started.

Let's talk, humans, bears, Autobots, Decepticons. We're all people stuck here. Some of us want to be here, some of us don't...

But.

I just want to hear something good.

It doesn't matter if we're friends or not. But I'd like to hear from you.

Have you made friends here?

Would you rather go home or stay? If you want to go home, what is it there that you miss?

What makes you happy?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh...

You don't like it here? At all?

I don't do anyone any good here. Back home I can at least fight for something, do something. Die for a reason.

I-

Oh. Well- what about Wing? I thought. You know. You two were involved.

And I mean- ah. Well.

I guess I...

I mean I.

Love you.

In th-

In the. Plantonic. Friend-y way...

But I. Uh.

I guess I get it.

(deleted comment)

Wing...can do better. I was useless the whole time, and no good now.

[As Soundwave and Starscream reminded him in spades.]

_{You can do better, too}

I-

You... I don't understand.

So much for bearing my heart to you, I guess.

Vandal. Karrie. [He swipes a hand over his face and clicks on the video feed.]

You're the closest friend I have here. But look what happened? I was useless. A burden. You should be happy.

[A lopsided smile.] The funny thing was, I wanted you to be happy and that's how the whole thing started. And...it didn't work, did it?

[Helmet comes off.]

Drift. You. Look. Just.

Shut up. Okay? Just shut up and listen to me.

[She pinches the bridge of her nose, because she's not sure if she's hurt or flattered or... what.]

You. Make me happy. You. Just by being you. Whatever it is that you think makes you useless or a burden- you're just wrong. Just seeing you makes me happy. I want to go and sit in the medbay and make you sing stupid shit with me and talk about nothing.

Every time you say you're useless I just.

I want to punch you.

And you didn't even pay attention to what I said. I love you. Yeah, probably not in the way Wing does. But I do. And it doesn't make it any less-

Any less. Valuable.

I just. Maybe you wouldn't feel bad if you looked at what's right here in front of you.

[She laughs, awkwardly. Maybe a bit bitterly.]

All you have to do to be "useful" to me is be around.

[Wow so that's two who want to punch Drift just for opening his mouth. He's on a roll. ]

...Karrie.

[He's silent for a long time.]

_{I heard you} [A long cycle of air.] Karrie. I...honestly don't even know how I feel about anything. It's all, with Wing, and Ratchet and Blurr. I can't...I can't sort any of it out.

All I know is I'd rather die than hurt you, or see you hurt. I don't know. Whatever that's called.

[Only because she cares.]

Is it your job to sort it out? You do what you can, you're not expected to have a magic fix-it button.

What you need to do, is be there. Be supportive. The people you care about? Let them know you care. That you want to help. And do it gently. They'll come to you when they need something.

I'm not really sure what that's called.

I should know what I'm feeling. [And right now it's just....a mess.]

What does it say that I don't even know how to do that, Vandal?

[A frustrated sigh.] Karrie. You know you can, if you need something, right?

A lot of people don't know what they're feeling... maybe you should take a step back?

I mean, I'm not the expert on feelings either. Anyone who says they are is either lying or selling something.

... I know. But that goes the other way, too? You've been through a lot these last few days. What do you need?

[A nod. ] That's what I'm planning.

I don't know what I need. Other than to stop hurting people. [Which is harder than it sounds. ]

Maybe you wanna take some leisure time with me? We could go somewhere nice and quiet.

It's. Kinda hard trying to imagine you hurting someone.

Except spiders. You can hurt every spider.

But really- what happened?

[A hesitation. He'd been planning on going away. Just...alone. But if he had to be there with someone, better Vandal than anyone. ]

If you have the time.

[He laughs.] You should ask Perceptor. Or Starscream. I can hurt things, believe me.

....or Wing.

Vandal. I got turned into a girl. I couldn't protect you from Wing. And there's already so much wrong with that sentence.

I have nothing but time now, Drift. We can go somewhere and get hammered and do whatever.

[She just looks confused.]

I thought Percy liked you? And look- Starscream isn't exactly the friendly-mc-friendship guy or anything.

... What could you have possibly done to hurt Wing? He's like. In love with you.

[Huff.]

Look, for the record? Nothing wrong with being a girl. I'm a girl. And that was-

Look nobody guy hurt from it, so there's nothing to feel bad about? We all made it out intact.

I could make it up to you, at any rate, you having to take care of me, you know, before.

[Because he was the worst human ever. ]

I meant they knew me before. During the war. They've all seen what I can do.

Vandal. I got Wing killed.

People got hurt, Vandal. First Aid. [A wince at the memory. He'd threatened to kill Ratchet for it.] And there are other ways to hurt someone than a weapon.

It's not like you need to make it up. I liked spending time with you like that.

[Ah...]

Well if that's true then I'm no better, remember?

... What happened to First Aid?

[Everything had looked like monsters to her.]

Vandal. You stormed after me screaming halfway through the Junk Pile. [He was not an easy charge, just admit it. And all the petals. ]

I wasn't saying who was better or worse. Just that I can--and have--hurt a lot of mechs.

[He shakes his head.] It was bad. I'm glad you didn't see it.

Well. You did something stupid. But it doesn't ruin the rest of it. I liked. Eating peaches with you.

[That sounds weird.]

But you don't want to... you don't try to. You're a good guy.

[Well that worries her.]

Oh god... no wonder he seemed so bothered. Fuck...

I liked the peaches, too. [Mostly, though he won't admit it, sitting on her lap and watching her laugh. ]

But, [A chuff of air.] I think that's the problem. I mean, how important is whether or not you intend to do something or could control it?

[He looks away. ] I'd imagine so. He doesn't want to talk to me about it.

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