re_alignment | [Video]

Entry tags:

✘ marvel comics (616) | deadpool

[Video]

[One man, alone, betrayed by the country he loves--]

[Really? You're going to riff off that movie? Auspicious start.]

[Just trying to go with the whole giant robots/destiny gestalt, set a little tone, you know.]

I'd try the whole 'take me to your leader' thing--classic, of course--but just between you, me and this bag of tacos, I'm kind of lacking in that whole 'respect for authority' vital amine.

[ Cute. So you're going to play along like this is real. ]

[Face it, weirder things have happened.]

[...point.]

So. Weaz. If this is all some way to get me back for those Cheetos, haaaaaa buddy, good one.

If you sold me out to Killebrew I will &*^$ing end you.

But here's what's really important. Since I'm here. And you're here. And we're all here, being here.

[It is time for a dramatic pause!]

Anyone wanna show me how to get Skinemax on this thing?

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[And they wiggle too. Isn't it distracting?]

[OH. He clears his vents. That's a little unexpected...]

Well. I don't think the communicators can be configured to receive other external signals. Assuming there were any being broadcast...

That being said... you can find almost anything in the Junk Pile. Including erotica I imagine.

[He ponders a moment.]

Human--[He looks back at the guy in tight red/black spandex.]--ish? I assume? Do you have a physical description?

And you call this place civilized?

[ No porn!?! Savagery. Utter and complete. When he gets back, Weasel's going to get a wedgie of atomic proportions. ]

Weaz? He's what happens when you take a human, deprive him of sunlight and hygiene, and feed him a diet foraged solely from vending machines.

A scientific miracle!

Well...moderately.

[You have yet to ask about the human bathing facilities.]

Wait... from or of vending machines? [The latter sounds hard to digest.]

[ You clearly don't understand Deadpool's priorities. ]

From. Finest vending machine cuisine. Ho-ho's, snickerdoodles, skittles, salty nuts.

[ Yes, you said 'nuts'. Stop laughing. ]

He says it's brain food.

[Well there's that other thing organics do which Wing now (unfortunately) knows about thanks to Grey's Anatomy.]

[And you know...tacos.]

Wow, so machines serve your food where you come from?

[Snickerdoodles sound fun to eat. Energon seems boring by comparison now.]

Brain food? I'm...going to assume that means it's good for you brain, not that you feed or absorb the nutrients directly... [Thanks again to Grey's Anatomy.]

Serve's a bit, you know, charitable. They make sure you pay for the delicious empty calories and preservatives.

...unless you know how to whack 'em.

[ And we know how to whack.]

Hhn. Never tried that. Next time I get a headshot, slap a burger on me and let's see what happens.

....How are they charitable if they make you pay? ...for empty things?

[Flow chart please. :| ]

Wait, you...beat them so they give you things? [D:]

And aren't...headshots fatal for humans? [Assuming that's what you are...]

EXACTLY.

[ Hence, the Whacking.]

'Beat up' is such an ugly word. We prefer 'physically persuade' or 'convince via tactile attitude adjustment'.

[ We also prefer Diet Coke with Lime, but the system likes to taunt us with that, too. ]

Yeah, well....normally.

[ Is it really a newsflash to say that you're not normal, Deadpool?]
[ I think the fullbody spandex probably gives that away. ]

[o.O]

[Clearly not all things in the universe were meant to be understood.]

That sounds like creative semantics used just to enable and excuse unnecessary violence. [He's going to keep to himself what 'convince via tactile attitude adjustment' actually sounds like though. Ahem.]

Normally? Meaning you're an exception then?

[Hey, red mono-cloth wearing people with no mouths could be a normal segment of the human population for all Wing knows.]

Got it in one. [Creative verbiage is Deadpool's specialty.]

[ I think he read that series with you, Cable and the WD-40. ]

Better hope I'm the exception, son. Deadpool's one of a kind!

[ Except for Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Dogpool...yeah you're a master of originality.]

[ Don't forget crazy Doc Lady Whitby. And Evil Deadpool.]

Ah...that's unfortunate. There are better ways of convincing people.

[Try as he might, Wing rather suspects this line of ~~not~~ logic is unlikely to go anywhere truly constructive. But it will likely be interesting as least!]

I'll do that I think. [Because you are one heck of an individual sir. (Relatively speaking)]

Hey. I'm the guy they call when those 'better ways' fail.

What's that saying? You know. War is simply diplomacy by other means or something. That's me.

Ah, is that so? So conflict resolution is your specialty? [More resolution and less conflict Wing hopes.]

Is that really a saying? [As in a thing people say a lot. Not something someone said once. Like just now.]

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