[Video] [Transmission from Solian Temple] - Fifth Offense

[namesnotprowl]

Right, so. I hear we have a dance comin' up, and everybody needs formal wear for it. I also know that fabrics don't stand up well to all of us, f'r various reasons.

[Such as being too pointy, like him!]

So, figured I could I could assist with formal wear in some capacity. Been working on a few designs for hats, and if you'd prefer walking canes, just have t'tell me what design you'd like f'r the handle. Or, let me surprise you~

[He shifts the camera to show a pair of hats - one made of dull grey iron with leather cording, run through brushed steel grommets, the other made of copper, with accents made of bronze and thin iron 'feathers'.]

If you've got some other accessory you're in the mood for, or a different hat, let me know, and I'll see what I c'n do to help you out. These're just a sample, after all. Though if you're looking f'r a hat, I'll uh. Need your head size, since we ain't all exactly the same sizes here.

[One size does not fit all on robots.]

[Encrypted to Solus Prime]

Offer extends to you, too. If you'd like something that is.
[Since he doesn't exactly extend offers like this to every demigod he knows.]

Comments

[namesnotprowl]

Eh, what can I say? I had some free time, here and there.

[By which he means he had a year where he didn't have much repair work to do and it was either learn to create things or go insane from boredom.]

Ironically I much prefer going on the offensive, when the opportunity presents itself. Still, it's a pleasure, Skids. And if you happen upon any particularly nice, wide strands of leather, I'd be grateful if you'd bring them.

[skidaddle]

I've stumbled upon some of that, myself. Now that we're not trying to avoid being eaten by multi-legged threats, at least.

[It had been a good time, since then! He was finally starting to get the hang of the place.]

I've already got some leather on order, so you can have some strips of that. Might need a knife to cut them, though.

Not that I'm a stranger to names making no sense, but...why Barricade, then?

[namesnotprowl]

I prefer not having giant centipedes chewing on my wrist tires, I've gotta agree.

[Though those were practically normal compared to other things.]

My claws are as good as any knife, really. Appreciate it.

Just always been what I've been called. But... [He pauses and chuckles.] ... not even the heaviest blockades can keep me away from something I need or want. Folks set them up, and I knock 'em down.

[Unless that blockade is a cement freeway pillar, that is.]

[skidaddle]

Wrist tires?

[You must have one hell of an alt mode, what with the tires and the wall-breaking.]

And razor-sharp claws?

Are you a Cybertronian or a blender?

[He's on his way, though. Blender or not, these hats needed to be made!]

[namesnotprowl]

Cybertronian, definitely. But my type... well, I like to consider myself a very stylish Cuisinart.

[He is a very complicated mech. More or less.]

You'll get t'take a look for yourself, when you get here.

[skidaddle]

You have gotten me more curious than I have any right to be.

Oh!

Hey.

Do you have glue there, or should I pick some up?

[namesnotprowl]

You have every right t'be curious about me.

All these different timestreams, you'd be crazy not to be curious.

Mostly doing a lot of welding right now, but I think I might have some left over from renovations. I'll take a look.

[skidaddle]

Good, because I've tried welding on fabric and the results aren't pretty.

[He did find a way to make some very nifty fire-art, though.]

This world has been one big surprise so far, hasn't it? You get used to seeing things that aren't normal, and then suddenly the things that are normal seem like they aren't.

You could probably have tentacles, and I wouldn't even flicker an optic.

[namesnotprowl]

Does tend to be flammable, doesn't it?

[Which is what makes it fun... when you don't have to wear it.]

Dimensional hubs do tend t'turn the world on its head pretty quickly. But at least the location is slightly fami-

...!

[Well! He's never had someone come out and actually guess something like that correctly before. Everyone else either found his cables or had him explain them. Barricade has to laugh a little, surprised.]

You so sure about that, Skids darlin'?

1/2

[skidaddle]

Yes! It tends to be extremely flammable, which is a problem when humans are supposed to put it on.

[Because while he had seen creatures that were fine with fire--such as Cybertronians, he hadn't seen many organics that could boast the same.]

That's a good point. We could have, for instance, ended up on a planet completely covered in gaseous substances, or consisting of pressures that would tear us apart slowly and with great agony, or on a world made out of acidic substances, or--

[skidaddle]

--

You have tentacles, don't you.

[He knew it.]

[namesnotprowl]

And you have a positively morbid imagination.

[... That is not what he meant to start with. Gah.]

What I mean... that wasn't what I meant. They're data uplink cables, I don't use 'em on mechs. Not unless they ask me to - and I make sure they know what they're askin' - or they're so much of a problem that there's no other choice. I'm not actually an eldritch abomination, I promise.

[skidaddle]

Lets just say I've seen things.

[Things that exist, and that's scary enough on its own. In fact, its really scary when you take the idea of him being basically an ambassador to alien races who has seen such...alien...things...and then add to that the fact that there's something in his head he doesn't want to remember. Tentacles look good in comparison.]

The real question in here isn't if you are an uncanny depravity -- [His translator took that one an interesting way, he's sorry.] -- Its 'Are they prehensile?'

[namesnotprowl]

Already seen things and this is your first time in an interdimensional hub? Well, you'll practically be good to go already.

[That was rarely the first question that came up with them. Probably because he kept them buried in their housings in his shoulders. It was usually 'are you going to use them on me'. Needless to say, it causes him a little more pause.]

... They are, yes. And my question is 'Why do you ask?'

[skidaddle]

I was a member of the Diplomatic corps.

We ventured into the unknown trying to find alien races that wouldn't either A: shoot us on sight, or B: not give us money to continue the war.

Weird comes with the territory.

Unless you're saying that you've been to more than one inter-dimensional hub?

[If so, he's starting to suspect where those tentacles came from.]

It seemed like a good question. If they aren't prehensile, then you'd have to make a different sort of motion to use them, wheras if they are prehensile, I could be minding my own business talking to you and--boom.

Which seems like it would be useful, the more I think on it.

[namesnotprowl]

Diplomats? Well, learn something new every day. I oughta get back in the loop with the timestreams, I'm lackin' data.

This is my third tango in places like this, you might say.

[Ironically, the tentacables were from his own dimension.]

Keh. Maybe I'd do that if I was my Soundwave. I respect folks' processors more than that. And their systems, for that matter.

Though they have been useful, on rare occasions. Not much call for me to pilot anymore, though, so I don't use them much anymore.

[skidaddle]

What, no diplomats in your universe?

[It had seemed like a good idea to him. He didn't have to fight and die, and when the Decepticons inevitably barged into Phelosian space he was right there to say 'I told you so.']

Third time? Is this a normal thing, or did I get shafted when the special abilities were handed out?

[Oh, hey, Melan has got some nice ribbon. He is totally bringing this.]

Okay, hold on.

First of all...Soundwave? How many times has he...erm. 'Tentacled' you?

And second...you use prehensile data cables to pilot?

[That is either incredibly kinky, or incredibly awesome.]

[namesnotprowl]

None left. Not that we needed any; the only alien species we met before we took off from Cybertron was hostile.

[And it colored their relations after, not that it had mattered much to Barricade at the time.]

Trust me, if that's a power, you don't want it. It's completely random, and sometimes you end up surrounded by folks that hate you.

[Awh heck yeah, ribbon.]

Yes, Soundwave. They ain't all created the same. As for how many times... [There's a rough engine-chuffing noise.] About once a week, every week, for a few months.

... And yeah, I pilot with 'em. Being directly connected to the system is a lot more precise and efficient than manipulating toggles.

[And it just felt good, being in all that space and feeling everything.]

[skidaddle]

Ever go out looking for other ones?

[They seemed sort of hard to avoid, to him.]

There was one time I woke up flying in a ship made out of robots trying to kill me.

It doesn't endear me to the idea.

[Might want to get that special power of yours removed, buddy, it sounds like it sucks.]

You.

Uh.

You live a very interesting life.

Which side were you on again?

[Because that Soundwave part just begs the question.]

[namesnotprowl]

We stumbled across a few, but I was stuck on the ship most of the times we did. Then we landed on Earth and the humans spent a lot of time shooting at me.

... Also whoever designed that ship needs to get their processor looked at. That doesn't sound efficient at all.

[Yes, more concerned with efficiency than with murder. Good on you, Barricade.]

I have. And sometimes it's even been the fun kinda interesting.

Formerly Decepticons. Currently neither.

[Because he hates zombies and Soundwaves and a Soundwave trying to control zombies was just right out.
... Though Megatron always made a good case for rejoining.]

[skidaddle]

Given the fact that it failed at the one task I figure it was designed for?

Yes.

Very inefficient.

[Why build giant robots with swords if they can't even kill anything?]

Oh really?

What swayed you?

[He shouldn't have been surprised. The tentacles were a big giveaway.]

[namesnotprowl]

How unfortunate. Well, unfortunate for them anyway. And a waste of soldiers too, probably.

[He doesn't think much of building things that don't work the way they should.]

Mistreatment by my faction. Being saved by those who should've been my enemies when my fellows left me to die.

Seeing a Soundwave try to control an army of the undead didn't exactly help, either.

[skidaddle]

Unfortunate...

Er. Right. For them. It was a real optic cleanser let me tell you. If every morning started off that way I'd probably need to see a psychiatrist.

[Thankfully, there is Rung.]

I never got the impression that the Decepticons were nice guys, so...

That must have been some mistreatment.

As for the undead--point granted.

[namesnotprowl]

I don't know if there's enough psychiatrists in the multiverse to handle that.

[Though Rung seemed like a pretty tough psychiatrist from what he's seen. Who knows?]

I'll admit that I c'n put up with a lot from Decepticons - I've got thick plating in more ways than one...

But sometimes they push just a little too far.

Figured as much. Haven't met a mech yet that actually likes zombies.