re_alignment | [Voice] PSA and a Plan

Entry tags:

✘ dead space | vandal

[Voice] PSA and a Plan

Hey uh guys? Those "explosives" that Prism asshole was talking about?

All a fake. I opened Drift up and took a look and it turned out he was bluffing. I hope that's worth a little peace of mind or... whatever. From what I could see, it's just like a tag. Nothing intrusive. I couldn't remove it, but it's not dangerous.

On that note:

Teddie and I were kind of talking about having a party of sorts. Like kind of a karaoke-movie-drink-yourself-dumb extravaganza. I was thinking maybe when Casa De Vandal is finished I could host it there? I still have to fix everything, but I have most of the equipment.

Thoughts? Ideas? Can I get a 'Hell yeah'?

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Haha- no. It was just sort of the only place I ever had to meet people?

Wh... Drift why are you trying to set me up with someone? I don't really. Want to. Do that. You know? Dating is really hard. I mean, you know, doing that. It's stressful when I try too hard to-

Ah. I'm okay on my own.

[HEADING RIGHT DOWN THIS PATHETIC PATH AND NOT LOOKING BACK.]

Oh. [Well...now he feels silly. er.]

I just, you know, Teddie and scoring.

_{Perceptor's nice.}

[Wut, he's being subliminal there.]

I just want you to be happy.

I'm-

Drift. Come on. I really appreciate you trying to help me. But I'm not-

Perceptor? Can a human even... date a robot? Anyways look, that aside. I'm just not fit for...

[Sigh.]

I'm bad at this. I'm happy just hanging out with you, Wing, Percy and Soundwave okay? I'm not good for relationships anymore.

Edited 2012-08-23 21:59 (UTC)

[He shrugs.] I don't know I thought Ratchet, you know, might know.

[Wow this is far too grim. Time to lighten the mood.]

But hey you've already poked at my spark chamber. I think that means we're...uh...something. [Okay that sort of failed. But A for Effort!]

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah he offered to councel me in. That. Awkward.

It's like getting the sex-talk from my dad.

[PAUSE.]

Friends with medical benefits.

[Well that was HER attempt at a joke. EVERY-ONE-IN-THE-AWKWARD-TENT...]

So, wait. Why are you asking me if it's possible?

[Seriously, Vandal, what is up with that?]

[He starts laughing. Because it is funny. And awkward. And funny some more. Also Drift apparently has an awful sense of humor.]

Let's just, uh, not have a repeat at this party thing you're thinking of.

It was a rhetorical question! Hey. I didn't want to hear what Ratchet had to say about chafing okay. Would you stick around for that? I don't think so, buster.

[Laughing too but mostly because he's laughing and she's kind of screaming inside her head a little bit.]

Well as long as you stay safe I won't have to. Save it for Wing.

[WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK.]

....if it was a topic I was interested in?

[Vandal, he has met Kup. He's heard some pretty TMI stories.]

I hope Ratchet at least gives you some credit for it.

[Which is him SO not promising to stay safe because he's who he is, after all. ]

Now who's the one trying to match people up?

So you're interested in how to stick it in humans? Wow, never knew you were so kinky.

[Gently sasses.]

Come on, everyone knows it. Just boff already so we can all say "I told you so".

...I didn't say that!!

Besides, he was talking to you about it.

[So....there.]

You make it sound so...romantic.

Hahah- but you're so interested.

Oh. I'm sorry. You two should look deeply into each other's optics during a sunset with flowers and stuff everywhere and whisper sweet nothings?

Well. I mean.

[He means it's time to change the topic. ]

You know, it's a thing to learn. That's all. [He's all about learning after all.]

...is that how your kind does it?

Oh uhm.

[Wow stop being so cute.]

No? Well, sometimes. That's supposedly the human ideal, at least, but that's rarely how it goes. You mean like how humans have sex?

[If he's asking her this, she has the power to either tell the truth or spin some hilarious fabrication up for him. HMMM. WHAT TO DO.]

I mean, surely you've thought about it, right? Who hasn't?

[RIGHT?!?!]

Well, I mean, how you start.

[He tries for a cocky smile. ] I think I know how to handle it after that. [You buy that, right?]

Well yeah but- wait, you have?

[Screaming internally.]

Haha, alright. Um. Well, I mean. For humans, you meet someone you like and you click and... after that you ask them out usually. Like on a date. And you go somewhere nice that the two of you like. You maybe kiss. Maybe hold hands.

Uhhh. And then you like. Woo them? Give them a proper wooing? You know like, do nice romantic things for them?

Sweep them off their feet?

[SHE HAS NO IDEA, MAN. SHE IS PROBABLY THE WORST HUMAN TO ASK.]

Uh. Is that... I mean, I don't mean any disrespect or anything, but... _Teddie.

[Yeah, he's going to blame Teddie.]

We've touched hands. And we did kiss _{before I almost purged on him}.

[But clearly there's something he's missing in this 'wooing'.]

A-ahaha. Of course, no that makes sense.

Well then you're well on your- ohhh. You threw up on him? Well I'm sure he still loves you.

You've pretty much got your foot in the door there, hun. Just spend some quality time cuddling. Do you guys cuddle? Is cuddling a cybertronian thing? It's kind of interesting how similar-

Anyways. Just get him alone and make it known. No mixed signals or hinting. You just gotta go for it. Be like "Yeah, I have a big huge robocrush on you, baby", and then plant one on his mouth.

[YEAH. SHE'S TOTALLY DOCTOR LOVE.]

No! I didn't!! I just...I almost threw up on him. Almost. [It's important, okay?]

Cuddling. [Uh. Could you look him? All pointy and such? ] Like hugging but for longer. I can try...?

[He's taking notes, Vandal.]

...so just tell him, because honesty is good. and then...plant...one what? [A fist? He's not sure how that will work.]

Oh, well. That's alright then.

Uh-huh. You just settle down somewhere and kind of hug for however long you feel like. Though it usually either ends in sleeping or sex, depending.

Yes. Honesty is key, here.

A kiss? Plant a kiss? You know? Mwah?

All right. [Earnest nod.]

So, cuddle. Tell him the truth, and then kiss him.

[Got it. This makes it sound so easy, but, yeah. Not so easy to actually do.]

Got it.

You got it. Look at how good I am to you, Drift. What would you do without me?

Go get'im, Tiger.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Voice] PSA and a Plan

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