Sugar High [A.K.A - Dirge no.]

[dirge]

[The camera is shaking so violently, those of you with motion sickness problems may need to go find a toilet. It's shaking because Dirge is holding it and he's shaking too. The screen catches a blurry grin before the communicator is tossed onto something solid.]

Okay I knew human food was good but I never got to taste all of it the last time and there's this stuff that I found in the junkyard called 'candy' and its loaded with sugar and sugar tastes AMAZING and its in other stuff too- hold on.

[He needs to stop and take a deep breath, because weirdly enough he can't talk non stop as a human without this burning sensation in his chest.]

Anyhow there was these brown bags with all different colored little circles with an 'm' on them and also a couple of boxes of these squishy square things named Debbies and they're so good even when you mix the two together OH AND DON'T FORGET THE ROLLS OF WHITE MUSH I CAN FIT THREE OF THOSE IN MY MOUTH AT ONCE BECAUSE I AM THE KING OF TWINKI- .....


U...urgh... [He doubles over suddenly, clutching at his midsection.]

H-hold on again.

[Dirge lurches off camera and there's the sound of...yup, wretching. Candy wrappers and empty boxes of snack cakes litter the ground behind where the jet turned human had been standing.]

OH WOW ITS EVERY COLOR!

Comments

[toguidethem]

[]

Dirge?

[He's seen all the reports of robots magically turning into things, so this honestly doesn't surprise him. However, he's very, very concerned for his friend's well being. Not everyone can human that well.]

Stop eating those! They'll make you sick!

Where are you, I'll come find you.

[dirge]

Waugh... But, it says its for humans. I checked. Okay, well it didn't say it but it looked like human food.

Cody I think my eye things are vibrating. Is that supposed to happen?

I'm still in the junkyard, of course! I got two more crates of these things to go through!

[toguidethem]

Yes, it's for humans, but those are often used as treats. That means that eating too many is bad for you.

You've eaten way too much already. Please don't eat any more!

[At this point Cody is out the door of the Police headquarters and running full tilt towards the junk pile.]

[dirge]

Treats? Like...something special? [He picks up a box and blinks at it. If they're special then he can't imagine why you wouldn't want to eat as many as you possibly could....

...except that his stomach feels really yucky right about now. Maybe Cody is right.]

Gonna....just lay down now.

audio;

[namesnotprowl]

[Cats can't facepalm.

WHY CAN'T CATS FACEPALM.]

Dirge... where are you, darlin'? Because I think someone needs to take you back t'the medbay. We should get some actual food into you at least.

[At least you're in (mostly) decent shape but augh /o\]

Re: audio;

[dirge]

Is that you, Barricade? No no no I feel fine, the hole in my tank is all gone! Even if that... really hasn't helped keep stuff in.

I'm pretty sure this is food, it has ingredients on it and everything. Mostly sugar ingredients.

How come human food keeps making me sick anyhow? At least it came up pretty though, right? Wanna see the puddle?

audio;

[namesnotprowl]

It is. The hole in your tank might be gone - thankfully - but you're eating too much of something that humans can't process in large doses.

That puddle is your body rejecting it. I know it tastes good, but stop eating so much sugar.

You sound like Blurr on fastforward.

Re: audio;

[dirge]

Well why doesn't it say anything on the package about that? [Practically pounces on a empty candy wrapper and examines it.]

Oo, ow, I can't read this. My head hurts. [He flicks it away.]

Do I really have to stop? I already threw up- maybe I am done now?

[tearsofsteel]

...you know, no one's going to help if you get sick.

[dirge]

I'm kinda.... already sick. Well, I was. All better now though. Except for that thing that's in my chest? It's making a whole lot of noise and it feels funny.

[symmetriphiliac]

You may want to slow down.

[dirge]

I can't anymore for some reason! Every part of my body wants to go super fast right now! Is that what sugar is for?

[symmetriphiliac]

Actually, I meant how quickly you were eating. It's not a wonder it's making you sick.

[dirge]

Oh, is that why? But it tastes so good, I don't think I could eat it slowly- how do you guys manage it? And these candy things are so tiny, it would take forever if you didn't just put them all in your mouth at once!

[raceme]

W-what did you just do? [He had no idea what throwing up is but it sounded really gross.]

[dirge]

[Wipes his face on his sleeve.] It's kind of like eating. But backwards. And usually it doesn't look so pretty. I gotta go find a jar!

[raceme]

But isn't the food all chewed? No, I think you should LEAVE that where it is.

[dirge]

It is! Well, most of it. I can see some pieces I just swallowed!

[He's already searching through the junk for a container.] How come?

[audio]

[rstlsslegsyndrm]

I'm pr-pr-pr--[ABOUT TO SNEEZE BUT... nothing]

[sniff] I'm pretty sure that's not heal[SNEEZE]

[sniff]

Maybe you should see [cough] Doctor McCoy?

Re: [audio]

[dirge]

Who? A medic? I saw Ratchet last time this happened to me.

Why are you making those weird noises?

[Video]

[lovethathatch]

[What a lovely first impression you just made, Dirge.

This face. Forever.]

Pretty sure it's not supposed to look like that -- what the hell are you eating all of that at once for, anyway?

Re: [Video]

[dirge]

I'm going to keep it in a jar. [Holds up jar.]

Because it tasted so good, of course. And I was hungry.

[Video]

[lovethathatch]

Augh -- dude! That's fuckin' gross!

Just guessin' you've never heard of moderation?

[video]

[adamndoctor]

[Give him a minute.]

[Okay.]

Have you done gone and lost your mind!?

I swear to God, if you start eating that vomit, I am going to knock you out so hard you'll see full galaxies!

Re: [video]

[dirge]

I know not to eat it again! [...Because he dipped his finger in it earlier and it tasted terrible, but shh.]

I'm gonna save it in a jar.