re_alignment | [video]

Entry tags:

tf: idw | drift

[video]

[In light of Dr McCoy's recent how to be a human download, Drift's decided that as someone who has survived--barely--the experience himself, he could offer some advice of his own. Slightly less snark-flavored.]

Right. So.

Er.

[CONFESSION TIME.]

I, uh, I spent some time as a human. Before. And so, well.

[A shrug. Get to the point, Drift.]

You have to chew this 'food' stuff. [Trust him on this.]

Canned peaches are good but you should only eat them with an expert. Utensils will take, uh, lots of practice.

Pants are....horrible. So are skirts.

[Don't get him started on hats.]

Hope your clothing has pockets. These things, trust me, don't have onboard storage. [DON'T ASK.]

Shoes feel weird--you can't feel the ground, really. But you should probably wear them. Especially in the Junk Pile.

[Let's all give Vandal a vote for sainthood for having put up with Drift and these valuable lessons.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Heh, kinda interesting to hear the pertinent things about being a human.

There were good things, too.

[Not many. But some. Maybe.]

I just, you know, want to be helpful.

[He frowns.] Frag. Forgot to mention hair.

Heh, well it's good of you to offer your advice.

[ She laughs. ]

Oh hair wasn't so bad! It was so pretty.

I just...they should know.

[Being a human is hard. You have to chew food, Vandal. THAT IS HARD.]

It was horrible. It kept moving around and getting tangly and then when I woke up in the morning it was all...eugh.

It's very good of you to share.

[ Oh but you are so cute. ]

Such a harsh life my people lead, isn't it?

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How come you where human before? [Hi, Have a Knock Out. She's wearing a suit]I like pants.

Because, uh, I was trying to do something nice for someone else.

...it didn't work out that way.

As HUMAN? Who did the change happen?

I am somehow not surprised.

Edited 2013-03-16 14:18 (UTC)

No, that's...that's not quite right.

It's a long story.

I'm human now and I can't do anything useful. I have time.

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[There is a meow from the other end of the line. Along with a view of a black and white cat. The Link eventually translates things.]

You too? That sucks.

[Barricade only wishes he could wear pants to complain about them.]

....I got better.

...

Barricade?

Prrt.

Yes.

[He sits up and tips his head at the screen. Are you surprised? Because he sure was.]

That's....new.

[A-at least Skids won't be after you now?]

You okay? Safe? Uh...need anything? [Not that Drift has a clue what cats need.]

Hands would be nice.

I miss thumbs.

[Having to depend on someone having a can of food and a can opener is slightly terrifying.
Though he can't really complain, he is the most adorable thing and people like cute animals.]

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I know I should probably be asking a human, but - how do bedsheets factor into this? I assume no one's tried bed sheets before?

[Because he's got his bed sheet toga on. It's pretty fabulous. It really brings out all the bruises on his face.]

Uh, they're supposed to be what you sleep under. Because humans have really terrible temperature regulation.

How are you not going to trip on that?

[Because that looks even more dangerous than the skirt he wore. Which just had a gazillion poofy petticoats.]

[Don't insult my toga, Drift. ;_;]

Right. The sheet is only temporary. But... I mean, it's not uncomfortable, but... Well.

[hmmmmnvm]

[You wear it with style and dignity, Ambulon. But it's a toga. You look like an escapee from a bad frat house movie.]

But.

Air moves in places.

[That was his experience. Urgh.]

[Thank you, Drift. You will be spared.]

Well, to my credit, I haven't done much moving I guess. Though it is a bit... cold. [Shh.]

But I think... I think I may have something else to wear, yeah.

Right, so... Bed sheets are a no go then.

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[Have Skywarp smirking at you, Drift.]

Oh, don't go around lyin' now, Autobot. Human girls totally come with onboard storage! [Is that a sing-song tone of voice? Yes, it totally is a sing-song tone of voice.]

Uh. No. Pretty sure I can say that with confidence.

[y u so mean!!]

[He's mean because he caaareesss clearly!]

Yeah? Did you check everywhere?

[He's doing his very best not to laugh, but that smirk isn't going away.]

Edited 2013-03-16 10:55 (UTC)

[Of course he does.]

I was, uh, pretty thorough.

[Why? Why do you keep asking these questions! It's like you know. ]

[Sees right through you, Drift~]

Uh-huh--- [And, sorry, give him a moment as he can't keep that laughter in and it just explodes everywhere.

...

Okay, done.]

Well, pfft, if you were you oughta know they've got some! [That's a leer, because Primus bless, this is way too funny. Even if the image is disgusting as well, because yuck squishy humans and their bodily fluids.

He's relieved he hasn't changed!]