[Well, contrary to all his talk and all his... well. Arguing with people. When Sideswipe's video feed turns on, he's curled in a ball of silver misery. He's buried himself under a tarp and... ]

[... appears to be shaking.]

It's cold. It's not supposed to be cold on this planet. Is it?

[Wow he sounds crankier than usual. Something's got to be wrong.]

I haven't had a decent fight in weeks and everything is just... it hurts.

[Yeah that's a whine. He curls under the tarp a little more, looking pathetic as possible. Which may not actually be an act.]

[Looks like someone smashed themselves into that nifty robot flu.]

I want a medic.

[One more whine before he turns off the feed.]

I've seen enough.

[Well... it's Sideswipe's voice. But it's crawling with static and contempt. More than usual. It sounds almost older somehow. Harsher.]

You let them crawl around your world like it's nothing. Foolish.

Don't worry. I'll clean up your little mess.

[And the line goes dead.]



( [ACTION: AROUND HAVEN] )

So. That fight was fun.

[The Autobot is sprawled out on his back, examining the workings of his own hand. His voice is dry, though. Clearly he's not as amused by the big Ultimate Showdown as his words claim.]

But that's about par for the course when you're fighting Decepticons, so...

[He rolls over onto his chest, propping his head up on his arms. One leg swings into view and how did you DO THAT, a box dangling from one of the wheel struts.]

Let's talk about this, shall we? I'm not in the habit of holding onto other people's scrap, but, really, I just have to laugh at this one.

Apparently Megatron likes roller skates. How's that for hilarity?

[... no, he's not aware the package is intended for SG!Megatron, not the ones he's familiar with.]

[Up close and personal video time. It's Sideswipe's optic. Don't mind him while he checks to see if the thing is recording.]

[Oh, good, it is.]

Right, so. Since we're all being so kind as to show off our tattoos? Which one of you out there can change the damn thing?

[He shifts over, showing off his own Glyph.]

[It's gold, definitely gold. And prominently edged in black. Good job, Sideswipe.]

I don't mind the black so much, but the gold? Clashes. Horribly. So someone get over here and recolor the thing, already.

[... you have no idea what the black means, do you.]

All Spark, it's pretty much nonstop chaos around here lately, isn't it?

[And yet, someone can't help but sound amused.]

Funny, how the 'bot you all assumed was a... horrible loose cannon or whatever you were calling me, hasn't done one damn thing. Isn't it?

I mean, all I've done is run my mouth, and here, your "Defense force"? They're going around torturing bots.

Wow I bet your face plates are hot right now, huh?

[Sideswipe. Stop. Talking. You're not helping.]

[The room is completely splattered in paint. Where did Sideswipe get paint? Who knows. Probably the junk pile.]

[He's still got a can of it in his hands, and is currently tossing little splashes of it liberally around the room. It's an eye-searing yellow-green color, too. He just... seems to be tossing it around at random.]

[While swearing.]

[At... Mirage?]

[But Mirage is nowhere to be seen. There's just Sideswipe, and his paint-splattered room. The more he tosses paint around, the more agitated the Autobot seems to get.]

Would you --! Just!

Come out here! This isn't funny!

[At that last comment, though, there can be heard a very faint laugh...]

So... now that everyone's back to normal and whatnot.

[He glances around, casually. Judging from the video, he's still lying on that Italian flag of Mirage's.]

... Has anyone seen Mirage around? He locked me in his room and vanished. I... haven't seen him since.

He's alive, right?

[NOT LIKE HE CARES OR ANYTHING, GOSH.]

[Well. Looks like Mister Big-Shot from the other day didn't get away from this one unscathed. However... while there is a human lounging on screen... it's not what you'd expect.]



So how long do we have to put up with this? I'd like to get back to walking sometime soon, thanks.

[Yes, that's right. It's a very pale, very lanky-looking young woman sprawled out on a blanket looking suspiciously like an Italian flag... Fortunately, Mirage got Sideswipe to consent to clothing, otherwise this would be a lot more awkward.]

I don't see how humans are supposed to get around on flat feet. Not to mention you all move so slowly. You should really look into more efficient fuels, too. Ingesting it every day? Such a waste of time.

[And yes, that's also right. Apparently the Autobot's only complaint with this whole matter is the lack of wheels on ... "her" ... feet. And how boring eating is.]

[Good job, Sideswipe.]



((ooc: replies will be from unf_corvettes for ICON purposes.))

All right, now that no one can yell at me for being the new guy... Tell me.

Are we really just going to sit around and pretend to be nice to each other, while we're here? You know what I'm talking about. All of you.

Once we get out of here, we're just going to go right back to blowing each other apart again, so why bother playing house and acting like there isn't a war on? Let's just cut out the acting and take care of our problems now.

[Sideswipe sees nothing wrong with this suggestion. Honestly, it sounds like a fabulous plan.]

So... the good people of the planet have decided to throw a little formal affair? All right, I'll buy that.

But I think, before you all start getting head-over-tailpipe with excitement, I need to make one thing very clear.

[He beams at the feed.]

Dress up all you like, but there's no one on this planet as gorgeous as I am. I hope you all remember that while you're there.

Now then! Who's getting the honor of taking me?

[Sideswipe are you serious.]

So let me get this straight.

[Says the unfamiliar -- well, maybe unfamiliar to most -- silver Autobot lounging in a temple doorway. You heard it right, lounging. Apparently no one told him about the giant bug monsters.]

New Cybertron. A bunch of different -- [AIR QUOTES, LITERAL AIR QUOTES] -- "realities" flying around. None of us asked to be here... aaaaand we get to play construction equipment to these 'bots I've never even heard of?

Right, you know what? I'll pass.

When's the next shuttle home? I don't feel like getting my paint dirty.

[He looks as if he's about to turn the Link off entirely, but pauses. Oh, right.]

I'm guessing it's too much to hope anyone I know showed up too? Regardless... this is Sideswipe, shoot me your location and all that.

Sideswipe: out.