[Here we have the police bird in his natural habitat. Standing by the lake in Alpha Trion's sector. He looks rather pensive and generally more upset than he usually does.]

I --

[And before he can explain himself, he catches sight of his reflection in the lake. Scrawled on the panes of his left wing are the words "SPACE FOR RENT". On the other wing, in equally bold, obnoxious writing is "APRIL FOOLS".]

[He stares. And then drops the Link in an effort to scrub the writing off with his bare hands, twisting around into a veritable knot of unhappy ninja robot.]

[Unfortunately, all this does is give the viewer a good view of the back side of each wing, on which is written ""POWER JOE WAS HERE :D". One word per wing pane.]

[And it's then, in a fit of avian frustration, Kagerou has the most mature response to life there ever was. He lifts the nearest heavy rock and throws it, as hard as he can, shouting:]

I hate this place!

(Hey there kids! It's Goldie the Golden Crow--actually no, it's just a golden duck-looking robot with a basket attached to his head. The robot fiddles with it before it comes on. Boy, this was sure a weird turn of events, huh? He was on the Satellite of Love and now some giant robots were telling him...something about a Cybertron, he didn't really pay attention.)

Testing...hello....?

(The robot taps the screen with one of his spindly arms...before shaking it.)

Oh cool! This must be one of those video dating things. (AHEM.)

Hello, my name is Crow T. Robot. I'm a Pisces with a moon in Capricorn. What can I say about myself that first impressions can't say?

Well, I'm in marketing, I have a condo in Boca Raton. I was number seven in the Fortune magazine's Top Richest People in America! I am intellectual yet simple, progressive yet have old fashioned values, I am macho but I keep in touch with my feminine side, I'm gentle but a tiger if you know what I mean raaaaaaawr.

In short? I am everything you want in a bot.

If you're interested, call....well uh.....just look for the weird templ-ish place in the middle of a crater! I'll be waiting!

[Did you think you were free of your large local music-loving lug, Haven? Late April Fools! Turns out he never left! Hell, a few of you might've even had him inside your soft little organic bodies given that he was playing the part of Influenza this past couple weeks. But don't worry, while the virus is known for a lot of things, it isn't so much known for its sentience. So if Tarn's been partying it up in your bloodstream, he's had no idea.

He has however, been having his own little adventures outside and about the Haven. But now he's back, and checking his messages, and oh my, but what is this?]

It seems a good number of you have fallen victim to Autobot propaganda while I was out. A pity that so many aren't able to think for themselves.

Accusing the D.J.D. of murder? Really?

[Has anyone ever mentioned that Tarn has a lovely voice? Because he does. You might not be able to see it, but you can positively hear that smile.]

And with so little evidence too. Why, you'd think this is another repeat of your earlier unfounded hysteria, when I first arrived. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Two of you in particular. Take note of these liars: the Autobot ... Rang^(?) and the supposed 'victim' Four. Both are guilty of spreading misinformation.

I expect a full apology. You have two days.

As for the rest of you, I hope you've learned an important lesson here. Namely: that Autobots are hardly a credible source.

I know I'm not the only kid here... so, uh...

Does... anyone else miss their parents and brothers and sisters? I'm the youngest in my family, so my older brothers like to sit on me sometimes, but I really wish they were here... or I was there. We used to play basketball together a lot too. I sort of miss dad's cooking too, it wasn't so bad.

[Homesickness? What's that?]

Also, does anyone know how to play baseball?