[In light of Dr McCoy's recent how to be a human download, Drift's decided that as someone who has survived--barely--the experience himself, he could offer some advice of his own. Slightly less snark-flavored.]

Right. So.

Er.

[CONFESSION TIME.]

I, uh, I spent some time as a human. Before. And so, well.

[A shrug. Get to the point, Drift.]

You have to chew this 'food' stuff. [Trust him on this.]

Canned peaches are good but you should only eat them with an expert. Utensils will take, uh, lots of practice.

Pants are....horrible. So are skirts.

[Don't get him started on hats.]

Hope your clothing has pockets. These things, trust me, don't have onboard storage. [DON'T ASK.]

Shoes feel weird--you can't feel the ground, really. But you should probably wear them. Especially in the Junk Pile.

[Let's all give Vandal a vote for sainthood for having put up with Drift and these valuable lessons.]

[Wheeljack certainly didn't take his humanization well.  What was the first thing he did when he found out? Punched a wall. Yes, he IS a smart one isn't he.  Thankfully, he didn't break anything, but it took a day or so for him to get movement back into it.  So now he's going to let you know his feelings on the matter.]

This human thing stopped bein' fun two days ago.

[He holds up his hand, which is quite a nice shade of purple in some spots.]

That's normal, right?

[It's probably best if you don't ask.]

[When the video cuts on, it shows Rung inside his office though not at his desk like he normally would be--it's just a bit too tall for him right now. Instead, he's seated on the floor with his back against his desk, a book that he'd found in the junk pile on his lap--because what else was there to do right now--and a pile of blankets and pillows beside him.

And that pile seemed to be moving a bit.]

I know that Smokescreen has quite a few companions from his world here in Haven so I wanted to let you all know that he's safe, just in case you were wondering where he got to.

[He shifts the camera to focus on the pile of blankets better, showing the small puppy curled up asleep in the little makeshift nest.]

I found him when I was coming back to my office and he seemed a bit worn out so I brought him here.

[Rung smiles softly, reaching over to pet his ears gently before setting the comm unit down.]

If you do need him for something, feel free to contact me.

For the time being, it is recommended that all police officers avoid confrontations in Megatronus Prime's quadrant. The police station there is currently inoperable.

[Because Megatronus Prime was dismantling it. McCrane feels like possibly the worst police commander in the history of police commanders for bringing this about so quickly, even if he stands by what he said.]

Given our current state, I am worried that the Haven is vulnerable to disaster or attack. If you feel you are capable of rescue or combat, please let me know so we can coordinate if necessary.

Additionally, if there is anyone who can give suggestions for how to speak to Megatronus Prime--I would appreciate the assistance.

( Private to Ultra Magnus )

( Private to Blurr )